The Marauders' Butt 2: Voldemort Strikes Back
by Red Scar
Summary: *COMPLETED* Harry and his friends head on an adventure to the USA to save Lord Voldemort. Will they make it out alive? Please read the original before this sequel. Rated PG-13 for excessive violence in the story.
1. The Two Escapes

A/N: This is the sequel to my previous fic, The Marauders' Butt. I highly recommend you to read my first fic before reading this. But I must warn you of my 100th degree Insanity level.  
  
Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J.K. Rowling. The Butt and the plot belong to me.  
  
1.1 THE MARAUDER'S BUTT 2: VOLDEMORT STRIKES BACK  
  
1.1.1 Chapter 1: The Two Escapes  
  
One sunny Sunday, Voldemort was sleeping in. It was 11.00am yet he showed no sign of waking up. The guards were relieved that they had some peace and quiet at last.  
  
Suddenly, Voldemort opened his eyes and stared at the wall. It was then that an inspiration hit him.  
  
"I know! I'll rip the strait jacket and escape!" He was so happy that he thought of such a good idea that he forgot that he absolutely couldn't escape from the strait jacket…the one with explosives attached all over it in case he did try to escape.  
  
Since he forgot about the bombs all over him, naturally he did not hesitate to try and rip it off. And it was then that Joyful Place Hospital had a field day.  
  
"BOOM!" A fantastic explosion sounded. The guards all jumped up in shock but couldn't see anything through the black smoke and raging fire. It was chaos. Every patient in the hospital went mad and the poor nurses looked like they were about to collapse.  
  
"There's absolutely no way he could have escaped that explosion," the head guard assured everyone confidently.  
  
Suddenly, through the dark smoke, a tall figure emerged and loomed menacingly over the people. The nurses drew back in fright and the guards gasped. It wasn't possible that he was…alive?  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHA! I'm FREE!" Voldemort screeched in delight, throwing cheesy grins everywhere. He jumped up and down, and clapped his hands together, not noticing that nobody was celebrating with him.  
  
"World, here I COME!" he screamed and ran headfirst for the wall.  
  
"Uh…" the head guard began but it was too late.  
  
A second later, there was a hole in the wall. And Voldemort was gone.  
  
"There's a madman on the loose!" the people of the street screamed in terror. The SWAT team was called in to hunt Voldemort down, but with no avail. Their weapons and helicopters were no match for Voldemort's twisted way of thinking. Meanwhile, Voldemort was having the time of his life at the village pub.  
  
"Vod…k-k-ka…" he squealed as he asked for his fifth bottle of wine. The bartender eagerly handed him a super large bottle, and everyone was curious to see what would happen to the poor miserable madman.  
  
Voldemort gulped down half the bottle in one swig. The customers all cheered. Just then, the doors swung open and a dozen men in armour rushed in and aimed their machine guns at Voldemort.  
  
Voldemort wailed in despair. "NO! I must finish my bottle! Please! Let me finish my bottle! I love it so much!" He cradled the bottle in his arms, tears pouring down his cheeks. "Please! Pretty please! With cherries on top?" He sobbed and sniffed and wailed. He turned his puppy dog eyes up to the surprised soldiers, who reluctantly agreed.  
  
"Thank you, my dear men!" He grabbed the nearest arm causing the soldier who owned it to nearly faint. "I LOVE you all so much! Come, join me!"  
  
With that, he ordered twenty more bottles of vodka and invited the men to sit down and drink to their health.  
  
"CHEERS!" They all shouted in unison and raised their bottles to each other. Meanwhile, the bartender started to play some romantic music in the background.  
  
As Voldemort was in the middle of his ninth super large bottle, he suddenly had the urge to sing.  
  
"SHOULD ALL ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND?" he screeched at the top of his lungs, not noticing that a few of the windowpanes were severed. The men all joined in heartily and soon the music could be heard from within a few miles' radius.  
  
Unfortunately, it was then when the rest of the SWAT team decided to join them.  
  
"FREEZE!" the leader shouted, aiming his cannon at Voldemort. Everyone froze in mid-song. It was quiet. There was no movement, not even the sound of breathing. Until suddenly…  
  
Voldemort screamed. All the men clapped their hands over their ears in horror as Voldemort screeched and wailed and bounced around. By the time the men dared to remove their hands, he was gone, and there was a huge hole in the wall.  
  
2 One month later…  
  
Peter Pettigrew, or rather known as Wormtail, sat down in the dark, cold cell in Azkaban. Several weeks ago, he received a letter from Voldemort, telling him he will be free. He now thought he would never get out of this darn cell.  
  
CRASH!  
  
There was a huge hole on the wall in his cell and Voldemort had finally arrived.  
  
"WORMTAIL! How good to see you again! Be a joyful fella!"  
  
He now faced the bars and clenched them. In a fraction of a second, he began to bend the extremely tough bars until they broke.  
  
Then, he saw a Dementor walking towards him. He immediately said, "Ah, Dementors! Emotionless, and never joyful. They live to be foul creatures. But now, they won't! Come, give me a hug." Soon, he gave a surprise bear hug to the Dementor. In an instant, the tight hug squished it into a billion specks of dust.  
  
"Poor thing. Look here! Another Dementor. Look here. You're emotionless and foul! But this Dementor changed!" he said, pointing to the pile of dust. "He sacrificed his life for me! Poor creature. And you will join him soon. Now, what's the spell to tickle, Wormtail? I think it is Crucio."  
  
"But isn't it supposed to be Rictu…"  
  
But even before Wormtail could complete the word…  
  
"CRUCIO!!!"  
  
There was a high screech in the air as the Dementor collapsed to the ground and wriggling and tossing itself about.  
  
"See, Wormtail? Another triumph! See how this Dementor screams with laughter, joy and happiness. Cool, huh? Anyway…"  
  
He then looked around him. He saw two empty cells. He sighed, "Ah, I believe this cell used to have Karkaroff in it. Even though he was a bloody coward, I still miss him; do you, Wormtail? I always wanted to hug and kiss him again. And this one had Bartemius Crouch. He's too loyal and ambitious. He really deserved that stupid Kiss."  
  
"But, master. You said he was loyal and deserved to be second-in- command next to you."  
  
"Him? I told him not to kill Potter and leave it to me and guess what? THAT BASTARD ACTUALLY ATTEMPTED TO CURSE HIM! Hmph. Come. Let's leave this lonely place and make the world a joyful place!" He quickly held Wormtail's hand and ran headfirst to the wall. Wormtail quickly said, "Errr…" But, soon, there was another hole on the wall and they were gone in the waters.  
  
A/N: There will be more chapters soon. HINT: The next chapter will involve Voldemort's latest "feats" and underwear. Thank you. 


	2. The Flight of the Underwear

A/N: Hello. Welcome. My Insanity Degree had just increased lately to 150th. As before. I forgotten to tell you something: my close relative actually started off the story. I just continued it. Enjoy! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J.K. Rowling. The Marauders' Butt is a trademark of me. 

_**Chapter 2**_

_**Death of an Old Man**_

Albus Dumbledore strolled across the crowded beach of Bucky's Bagged Bugger Beach. He wandered around squeezing through the crowd, searching for...

"Oooooooh...HOT BABES!" Saying that, Dumbledore quickly jumped on his trusty surfboard and hopped into the waves. Suddenly, a humongous tsunami struck the beach and poor Dumbledore got squished by the crowd and was DEAD...

Harry: Hold it! That wasn't it! What has gotten to you?!

Red Scar: Just having fun. Remember. 150th Degree Insanity. OK! That old lubber isn't DEAD. Let's get on to the story.

_**Flight of the Underwear**_

Hagrid strolled across his hut and took his eau-de-Cologne. That night would be his night...if all goes well. His second date...with Madame Maxime.

As he was walking to the Knight Bus, a page of some Muggle news flew at his face.

Are you feeling a bit drowsy and having no life?

THEN GET READY TO WITNESS

THE MAGNIFICENT,

THE MARVELOUS,

THE BOLD AND UGLY,

THE GREAT,

THE VOLUPTUOUS,

THE LORD FORMALLY KNOWN AS VOLDIE,

LORD VOLDEMORT!

Just go to the countryside of Sussex and witness the antics of Voldie at 4.00 pm sharp today. Featuring...

THE FLIGHT OF THE UNDIES

Hagrid shook his head with amusement. A month ago, Voldemort escaped from the Joyful Place Hospital for the Mentally-Challenged and People like Voldemort. Now, he wanted to be an entertainer. 

He looked at his king-size watch. 4.13 pm. Looks like he already started his "antics". He looked up and saw something strange high in the sky. He took out his king-size Omniculars which he intended to use to spy at Madame Maxime while she's in the bathroom and looked.

A pair of underwear was flying high up in the sky. On Hagrid's Omniculars range screen, the thing was flying 30 miles above the ground. Past the boundary of space! It was purple in colour and had yellow stars decorated all over it. Hagrid quickly cried out, "Dumbledore, take er look at this!"

Then, a voice came from the window of the teachers' bathroom, "Do you know, Hagrid, that I'm doing my ...er....business here! Can't I have a little privacy?!"

And then a loud, clear flushing sound filled the air. Dumbledore's head stuck out of the window. "What now?"

"Er...does this look like yer underwear, professer?" Hagrid said, pointing to the floating object.

"Hmm...looks like mine but I think its not," said Dumbledore calmly.

"Wait I see text there," said Hagrid as he zoomed is Omniculars until all he could see his a purple background and a text. The text read in golden runes....

PROPERTY OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

ALARM-EQUIPPED

At last, a voice shouted from a stone gargoyle, "Wait! THAT WAS MY UNDERWEAR!" In an instant, the stone gargoyle gave way, and Dumbledore somersaulted out of the hole. He quickly ran towards the setting sun. 

20, 000 miles away, a boy named Harry Potter woke up, his scar burning. 

"At last, you woke up you lazy pig! You slept like a sleepy head and its already 4.20 p.m.! Told you not to jinx Malfoy in his own toilet at late night while he was ...ahem...you know!"

Harry lifted his head up slowly and yawned. Then his head dropped and he fell out of the bed. He stood on his feet massaging his head after the fall.

"I had this weird dream. But it seemed so real. I dreamt that Dumbledore's underwear is now flying in mid-air."

Then, Ron Weasley, his friend, replied, "It is like that dream you had two years ago?" 

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"WEEE! ZOOPERADI! JERTAGOGO!"

And another bang was heard.

"That ghoul in the attic is getting madder everyday. It makes mum suggesting that we should move from the Burrow," said Ron covering his ears as the ghoul threw junk around the attic overhead.

Hermione Granger, another friend of Harry's, came storming up. "Take a look at this!",she said. 

They rushed downstairs and looked outside. An unidentified flying object was just miles above...or was it a U.F.O.? 

"Hmm...it looks more like Dumbledore's underwear to me," said Fred and George Weasley, the twin mischief-makers of Hogwarts. 

Hermione turned around and asked, "How would you know?"

"Errr...we just happened to errr...know, just....er.....came across it?" Then the twins whooshed out of the room like lightning.

"Or maybe it is...ACCIO FIREBOLT!" Harry's Firebolt came from Harry's trunk and landed. "Harry, where do you think you're going?" asked Ron.

"I'm going for that underwear of Dumbledore's," replied Harry.

"WAIT! Wear this!" Hermione took out of her bag a.....

"What's that?"

"It's a spacesuit," said Hermione as threw the spacesuit to Harry, "It will protect you from the harmful ultraviolet rays from the Sun and the radioactive waves. It provides you with oxygen to breathe and keeps you from freezing by the sub-zero temperature in outer space."

"Where did you get that information?" said Harry as he stuffed himself into the spacesuit.

"Muggle studies, of course!"

"And where did you get this spacesuit?"

"Em....er....borrowed it?"

_At NASA......._

(Loud Alarm Sound) _"A spacesuit is stolen! A spacesuit is stolen!"_

"Thanks anyway," Harry said as he wears the oversized spacesuit and takes off into the sky.

NEXT ON MARAUDERS' BUTT 2: Voldemort will end up in a situation he will not expect to be in. NASA will play an important role in the next chapter.

A/N: Cool. More of my insanity soon. Please review.


	3. Chaos in Space

A/N: Thank you Dark Moon for that nice review. Now, what you will see next may be insulting for Americans but I don't know. What do you think?

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belong to J.K. Rowling. The Marauders' Butt is a trademark of mine.

**_Chapter 3_**

**_Chaos in Space_**

"Wingardium Leviosa!" The underwear flew higher as Voldemort cast the spell on it. Wormtail and him were a few 1679 miles above the ground in space WITHOUT a spacesuit. It was amazing that at a great height, the crowd at Sussex still can see the purple underwear. 

Suddenly, a silhouette of a small boy on a broomstick appeared in the sky. Meanwhile, Harry can't control his Firebolt since the micro gravity was speeding up his broomstick. Then he saw them.

"Whee! This is fun!" said Voldemort.

"I agree, my lord. This is fantastic! We will earn fame in an instant! Look, that Potter boy also wants a front seat."

"Cool, Wormtail. Over here, Potter!" Sadly, Harry couldn't control the broomstick and the Firebolt's "head" struck Voldemort's *ahem*. In the howling pain, he did not realise the Wingardium Leviosa spell had ran out and the underwear had blocked the sun, causing an undie eclipse. 

"Give the underwear back!" Harry turned back. Dumbledore was in a spacesuit, riding on a Silver Arrow. "Cool," said Harry. "Where did you get the spacesuit?" 

"Well...erm...borrowed it?" 

_At NASA....._

*loud alarm* _"Another spacesuit is stolen. Another spacesuit is stolen."_

"Never mind. Anyway, Voldemort needs to know how it feels to have no underwear to wear." 

Saying that, Dumbledore pointed his wand at Voldie. "DIFFINDO!" 

There was a ripping sound in the air as Voldie's robes were ripped out. What had happened is too graphic to be told. 

When Voldemort saw his new state and went hysterically mad. He soon flew around, laughing like his mad self. Soon, he was covering the Sun and now, he had joined the underwear. 

Too bad, the Americans didn't know anything about the show in Sussex or Lord Voldemort. 

Inn D. Pink, the Chairman of the Secret Organization of the Space Asylum, was probably one of the thinnest men on Earth. If he ever bothered to compare himself to a scarecrow, he probably won't make much of a difference. He had very sinister eyes that would even make Snape envy, pointed chin, and spindly fingers like a Muggle's interpretation of a witch. 

Back to the story, this man met with his mates at the Secret Telescope of the Space Asylum. 

"There are things that are happening lately. Two spacesuits were stolen and now, looking at this telescope, an Unidentified Flying Object is discovered. It looks like a pair of underpants or something like that. And look, I've discovered something else." 

"What?" the curious Secretary asked. 

"Intelligent life. It's in humanoid form and now it's...erm..." 

"What?!" 

"It's...erm...in the...nude..." 

"TURN THE TELESCOPE OFF!" 

"Wait. I think that naked alien is the madman who escaped from an asylum in England. The reward is 3 million pounds! We must get him! Corporal, launch your space craft and capture him. If he strikes back, use space missiles," 

"YES, SIR!" 

Meanwhile, the space fleet launched and now are heading towards our heroes. The Sergeant talked through radio, "Pimple, what do you see?" 

"I see the alien. It's laughing like mad. I see another alien not in the nude and now is going to Earth. Two other aliens, wearing the stolen spacesuits, are on broomsticks, circling round and round and round and..... 

"Whoa! AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!" Harry and Dumbledore screamed as they looped, spinned, rolled and crashed into each other. 

"They are not broomsticks...they are BOMBS! Could you recognize a bomb in a broomstick?" 

_At the Burrow....._

"What do you see?" asked Ron. 

"I need to zoom in," said Hermione with the Omniculars, "They are about 2500 miles away, probably above the Moon." 

_In space...._

She was right! Now Harry and the mad gang are gliding above the surface of the Moon. In Harry's perspective, everything were just blurs of white, gray, black, green and red. 

"LAUNCH SPACE MISSILES!" 

Then, the huge missiles took into space. The naked Voldie looked and shouted, "FRIENDS!" He floated right in front of the moving missile and waved his hands about. Unfortunately, the system was accidentally set to ANTI-LOCK TARGET MODE. The missiles only missed him. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! NO FRIENDS!!! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" He cried so loud, the black holes could have sucked themselves. 

The rocket shook violently. 

"The alien has a powerful defense system. Probably extra-terrestial powers," said Randall Rainhead, the rocket pilot. 

"And now he is replying it with a micro gravity spacequake!" shouted Cody Cockerel, the co-pilot. 

"OH! Back to the show! Now I need a pair of trousers this time...." said Voldemort. 

"AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!" 

"Err...Houston, we have a problem," said Cody, "Em....Randall's ..er...pants...er...disappeared?" 

"WEEEE!!!" 

The pants flew in space floating around in the darkness of space. In Earth was also dark, because of the "undie eclipse". 

"We have no choice but to zoom the spaceship into him!" said Cody. 

"Anything to get my pants back!!!" 

Cody pushed a lever and the spaceship zoomed faster and faster straight into Voldemort. Meanwhile, Harry and Dumbledore was having the best time ever...... 

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! WWWWHHOOOAAAA!!!!!" they screamed as they smashed into each other for the 200th time. The tip of their broomstick were bent and some splinters of the wood pointed out. BANG!!!! That was their 201st crash. 

"Whoa a big friend! Come!" said Voldemort as he glided into the rocket's range. 

But, remember the ANTI LOCK-TARGET MODE? Soon, it missed Voldemort and the rocket whammed the underwear, causing it to rip out. The Earth had light again. But the spaceship steered with its nose heading towards Voldemort. 

*beep* *beep* 

"What's this?" said Cody as he looked down to the floor. Unfortunately, his shoulder pushed the steering wheel. 

The spaceship tilted sideways and the wing bashed Voldemort and he back flipped. His teeth fell out. 

Cody looking back up saw the teeth and shouted, "He is releasing bombs from his mouth!" 

"Keep the distance from the bombs and use the robotic arm to capture it!" said Randall covering underwear that was exposed. 

Then, the robotic arm of the rocket, made a sudden movement and grabbed Voldemort. He just said, "MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I GOT FRIENDS!" He disappeared into the rocket cabin. 

"WE...CAN'T....CONTROL.....OUR......BROOMSTICKS!!!!!!!" 

"WE MUST MAKE A RE-ENTRY BACK TO EARTH. On the count to three, we shift the broomstick's position towards Earth," 

But there wasn't any need of the count to three. After all, the broomsticks were out of control. 

"Er...Professor, I'm going down! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!" Both of them were diving back to Earth, screaming their heads off. The Earth was getting bigger, twirling and spinning. The broomsticks dived downwards faster and faster and faster and.... 

_At the Burrow...._

"What now? WHAT NOW?!!" 

"Be patient. Wait...I see two hypersonic objects getting closer, rolling and spinning about." 

"Hypersonic?" 

"Meaning more than 5 times the speed of sound. Hmmm.....I guess they are at Mach 70. That's much more than 5 times the speed of sound!" 

"Mach?" 

"Mach 70 means 70 times the speed of sound! Really, I think you should take on Muggle Studies." 

_In space....._

The spaceship maneuvered behind and glided downwards. Then the fuel burned and the rockets ignited. It went back to the Earth's atmosphere for a re-entry. Well...not only the spaceship was having the re-entry.... 

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!" 

The two broomsticks inverted and spun downwards. Looping and twisting like two professional airplane stuntmen. Now they are at the Ionosphere and then the Mesosphere and the Stratosphere. 

"YYYAVGAGHHHSGGGGYYUUUUUYAA!!!" 

The two people could not even scream properly. Their mouths expanded flapping behind their cheeks exposing their teeth. And their eyes protruded from their sockets. And they are at the Troposphere at Mach 150. 

_At the Burrow....._

"I don't see them anymore. They have gone to the other side. I can hear their voices." 

Ron and Hermione rushed to the other window and pushed up the sash. When the window was open....CRASH!!!!!!!! 

A blanket of smoke hung in the room. The two broomsticks accurately flew into the open window, crashing Ron and Hermione at their faces. 

"ZISAPOOKETADIWONKA!" said Ron and Hermione with spirals in their eyes before they collapsed again. 

Harry and Dumbledore coughed as they stood and searched for their broomsticks in the smoke. They were surprised that it still worked despite the bent tip and splinters and the tilted tail. 

"Whoa! Can't believed we survived that! I thought it will go on and on forever!" said Harry as he got out of his spacesuit. 

When both of the "astronauts" got out of the spacesuit. Dumbledore shouted with his wand pointing at Ron and Hermione. 

"ENERVATE!" 

The two victims stood up still feeling dizzy. 

"I see stars!" said both of them in unison. 

"Sorry about your underwear, professor," apologized Harry. 

"Never mind, I got a whole wardrobe of them!" said Dumbledore with a smile in his face. 

A/N: The end of Chapter 3. Coming soon on the story: 

HINT: A simple trip to Diagon Alley will never be the same again! Furthermore, what will happen to our hero, Lord Voldemort? 


	4. The Perilous Journey

A/N: Sorry this took so long. And thank you again, Dark Moon, for reviewing this. Oh, I read your story, The Unwanted House. Nice, but poor guy, he keeps getting tortured by more chores. Anyway, on with the story. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J.K. Rowling. Taxxas, Andalites, Yeerks and Hork-Bajir belongs to K.A. Applegate.

**_Chapter 4_**

**_The "Perilous" Journey_**

"Phew! We did it! Voldie is captured!" There was a celebration that night when the Weasleys found out everything, from the undie eclipse to the capture of the naked Lord. 

Suddenly, Dumbledore spoke, "This is entirely wrong."

The balloon Ron was holding slowly began to deflate.

"What? You-Know-Who will no longer bother any of us!"

"Don't you know, Weasley? Lord Voldemort..."

Everyone except Harry shuddered. 

"...will be brought somewhere we don't know. If he is questioned, he will tell everything about our world, about Hogwarts, about Diagon Alley, about Quidditch, about wizards and lastly, about The Boy Who Lived. Don't you see? We got to rescue him and Obliviate the entire world so no one will remember anything."

"Okay...what should we do?"

"Well, go to the United States of America and find where he is now..."

_At the Space Asylum..._

Inn was strolling back and forth and looking at his Corporal.

"Good. Now, identify the other aliens."

The Corporal pressed some buttons and the CGI figures of Harry and Dumbledore.

"This alien is riding on a broomstick...I mean bomb, sir. His distinguishing mark is a lightning mark on his forehead. But, sir...he looks like a human boy..."

"DON'T BE FOOLED! HE IS AN ALIEN! HE'S WEARING A COSTUME! INSIDE IS A GREEN, SLIMY, WOBBLY ALIEN THAT IS MADE OF BLOBS OF FAT AND HAS LITTLE WORMY THINGS PROTRUDING FROM IT! HE IS A FEMICADRON! UNDER SECTION 5A, SUBSECTION 4BR5 IN THE ALIEN MANUAL AND UNDER SECTION 16F, SUBSECTION 9PU1 IN THE EXTRATERRESTRIALS DICTIONARY."

"Ok. Now the older alien has a beard...I mean FAKE beard, wears a pointy hat and has map on his knee..."

"MAP? What map?"

"Well. This map is burned on his knee. Looks like a map of the Underground in London..."

"Underground? Maybe the fools want to capture the Queen and rape her!"

"NO! Maybe, they will transform the Underground into their centre of their empire!"

"Fortunately, they did not make it here..."

"Actually, they did," the Secretary said.

Inn and the Corporal went to the Secretary's screen. They saw the video of how Dumbledore and Harry screamed on their re-entry.

"THEY'RE SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER! THEY ARE INVADING THE PLANET! THE FEMICADRONS MUST BE STOPPED!"

"There cannot be just three. Three can't invade Earth. They must have an army to invade."

"You mean...half of this planet could be FILLED WITH THESE CREATURES?"

"Maybe."

"This is bad! WE MUST STOP THEM!!"

"But how?"

"I think I've got it!"

Inn walked to control panel and leaned towards the two-way radio.

"Advance defense systems to 150-Gordno!"

Inn ran to the tunnel followed by the Corporal. They then reached at a large room that was actually a glass dome. He went to a small panel at one end and took a key. He inserted the key in a slot. In a second the panel flashed with lights on the buttons and levers. 

"I would launch 4 radar trackers to the 4 corners of the Earth and the data will be sent directly to the computer!"

Outside with their backs facing the building about half a mile from the dome is two long brass pipes laying down that were connected to a block.

Inn pushed a button on a lever and tilted it backwards. At the same time the two cannons raised up with steam coming from the machine. Using a joystick, he controlled the cannon and turned it to the right. Inn pressed another button and it flipped open revealing a small lever. He pushed it and the cannon released smoke at the back end. Then fire blasted from that end. It turned from yellow to red and then to blue. A small missile blasted from one rocket and then another. Then the other cannon blasted two more small missiles and they soared across the sky and into space. 

"Now by pressing this button I will track down the whole planet," said Inn with delight. 

He pushed a red button on the panel. Then a screen on the control panel flashed in red: 

RADAR TRACKERS ACTIVATING 

IN T-10 SECONDS 

"..9...8...7...6..5.." said Inn with excitement as the screen flashed from 10 to 1. 

"...1...ACTIVATED!!!" 

The screen then flashed green. Then it flickered with colours and finally a radar view from the tracker shown. Inn pressed a blue button and the radar changed view. He tested all the other tracker's view and then moved to a computer on the other side of the room. 

"Now by using GMC, or Global Map Connector, I will connect all four radar maps to get the view of the whole world!" shouted Inn as he twiddled with the knobs, pulled and pushed the levers, twisted the dials and pushed the buttons. 

Soon enough there was a whole world radar on the computer screen. 

"Soon, all aliens, Femicadrons, Taxxas, Andalites, Hork-Bajir, Yeerks and etc. etc. will fall upon the wrath and wit of DR. INN D. PINK! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

The Corporal whispered to the Secretary, "I wonder why his mother gave him that name." 

_At Hogwarts II _(A/N: Remember, in the original story, it got blown up.)_..._

"But, how? The whole world is being guarded by tight security!" 

Dumbledore thought of Hermione's sentence. Yes, it was true. He just read the news that security was getting tight. The borders of the states and countries were guarded. The seas were filled with sonar-equipped submarines. And now, they have started a spot-check before passengers can enter the airplanes. 

Suddenly, Dumbledore thought of an idea, an idea so brilliant a genius couldn't possibly get across. 

He turned to his ex-convict friend, Sirius Black. Last term, he was set free from the iron clutches of the Ministry of Magic because Wormtail surrendered himself and sent a slimy clone in his place. 

"Let's go, Sirius." 

At the Burrow, Dumbledore told his plan. 

"From Muggle news, the world is not a safe place. Yes, Hermione, we can't sneak out. But why invent all sorts of 'spy' plans when we could use...the magical way?" 

Hermione immediately replied, "Broomsticks? We can't! The sky is now filled with radar..." 

"Of course not, Granger." 

"Of course, FLOO POWDER!" 

"But the people around could easily suspect paranormal activity. And besides, American wizards don't use fireplaces." 

"Why haven't I thought of it, professor! APPARATION!" 

"Yes, Granger, I could go there in a flash but what about yourselves? No, I mean..." 

Then Sirius and Dumbledore said in unison, "PORTKEY!" 

"Of course!" Harry replied. "PORTKEY! Such a brilliant idea!" 

Dumbledore picked up the magic phone. "There are several Portkeys here that lead us to U.S.A. But they are only open during Quidditch World Cup matches. I have to contact the Portkey Network to give us one." 

He "magicked" the phone so that the conversation can be heard around the house. This is the script form: 

Operator: Hello. This is Whiztele Networks Incorporated. How may I help you? 

Dumbledore: Portkey Network, please. And, don't repeat that mistake about hooking me to Fudge's Keyport Quidditch Broomsticks Trading Network. If you do, I WILL SUE YOU! 

"Boy, Professor Dumbledore will be a really good haggler in the market!" whispered Harry to Ron. 

Operator: Hold on while I hook you up. 

Manager: Portkey Network. How may I help you? 

Dumbledore: Okay. Now, sir, I want you to give us a Portkey... 

Manager: Sorry, but all Portkeys are to be closed until the next Quidditch World Cup starts. 

Dumbledore: But this is an emergency! We need to get to the U.S.A... 

Manager: But rules are rules. No Quidditch, no Portkey. 

Dumbledore: Wait! There is a Quidditch match starting right now! 

Manager: Where? 

Dumbledore: See that pit near the department? The Chudley Cannons are now playing against Appleby Arrows! 

Manager: Yes, I see that pit! I will soon be down there. Oh wait, your Portkey will a dustbin near Ollivander's. It will be activated at precisely half past nine tomorrow. It should take you to Louisiana. I'm going in! CHUDLEY CANNONS! VRRRRROOOOOOMMMMMM!!! 

"Is there a Chudley Cannons match today?" Ron asked. 

"Of course not. That pit is a snake pit." 

Suddenly, Dumbledore turned from his twinkling form into a more panic form. 

"Oh dear. Why am I so stupid! I've heard now the authorities had made the securities inside the Underground tighter!" 

Hermione then stupidly said, "We're not going to the Underground, we're going to Diagon Alley!" 

"But, don't you see? To go to Ollivander's, we first need to go to Diagon Alley, and to get there, first, we need to go to the Leaky Cauldron. And to get there..." 

"We need to go to the Underground," Ron continued. "There is no other way." 

"Hold it!" Sirius spoke. He tapped the wardrobe using his wand three times. The wardrobe shifted from its position, opening the way to a secret room. Inside the room... 

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" Hermione then fainted. *bang* *bang* *bang* *bang*. 

Red Scar: CUT!!! Hey you two! You are supposed to bang the hammer once! LIKE IN THE ORIGINAL MOVIE! 

Sound Effects Technician 1: We were just having fun! 

Sound Effects Technician 2: *giggle* 

Red Scar: Hey, you're not my sound effects technicians. You're Fred and George. GET OUT OF THE SET, YOU BUMBLING IDIOTS! 

Harry looked inside. It can't be it, he thought, or can it? 

Inside...was the horror that haunted Hermione Granger for an entire term, that changed the students' lives forever and also changed Hogwarts forever. 

It was...the Marauders' Butt. 

12 inches tall, 16 inches wide and 5 inches thick. But, wait a second.... 

"Wait a second! It looks bigger than the old one!" said Harry to Sirius. 

"This," Sirius said, "is the latest effort and so far, the best us Marauders performed. This is the MARAUDERS' BUTT V2! Now let me see now..." 

"How it happened to be in our house?!" Ron asked. 

"During our time, the Burrow was uninhabited. So, it became our "summer holiday hideout". Now, I keep my most important things in my pockets, so please wait a millisec." 

So, he dug furiously in his pockets and took out a Dungbomb. He twiddled with it and then threw it. But it landed straight onto Hermione. Some brown muck, he threw it again and it landed on Hermione. Play-Do, and a History of Magic test paper with a big red F written over the whole paper. Sirius kissed it and threw it. "It must be here, somewhere, I kept it so carefully so that ol' McGonagall will not see this. It's for experimental uses, you know. AHA!" He took out an old crumpled piece of parchment and gave it to Harry. He read out aloud: 

THE MARAUDER'S BUTT V2 

THE METHODS OF HANDLING THIS MACHINE IS THE SAME AS THE ORIGINAL MACHINE. CLEAN IT BY WASHING IT WITH SOFT MUD. IF NOT WORKING PROPERLY, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REPAIR IT YOURSELF. CALL 1-800-1901-I-STINK OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT WWW.STINKYMUCUS.COM.I.LOVE.STENCH TO ENQUIRE SIRIUS BLACK TO OPERATE THE SURGERY. 

BONUS FEATURES: SULPHUR FART GAS (5 SHORT TAPS, 3 LONG TAPS), INVISIBLE DUNGBOMBS (6 SHORT TAPS, 4 LONG TAPS) AND INCREASING OF BROWN MUCK PRESSURE (8 SHORT TAPS, 1 LONG TAPS). 60 FEET RADIUS MAP OF SURROUNDINGS (9 SHORT TAPS). ALSO GUARANTEED: PORTABLE! JUST MAKE IT TOUCH YOUR BUTT AND IT WILL BE YOUR BUTT! TOUCH YOUR BUTT (IT MUST BE **DIRECT** CONTACT BETWEEN HAND AND BUTT TO WORK) AND THE MACHINE WILL APPEAR ON YOUR HAND! **WARNING: DO NOT MAKE CONTACT BETWEEN THE MACHINE AND YOUR OTHER ANATOMY PARTS (EXCEPTION FOR HANDS).**

"I am AWFULLY proud of this creation. It can easily beat our original to pieces," said Sirius crying with joy. At the same time Hermione finally woke up but at the wrong time. Dumbledore was stuffing a foul-tasting Anti-Faint pill in her mouth. 

Dumbledore said, "This should help us on our journey." 

Hermione, who was wobbling back and forth from the taste of the pill said, "But still, it's no use. We still can't get past the soldiers in the Underground!" 

Dumbledore then turned to Harry, "There is something in your possession that can also help us." 

Harry immediately replied, "The Marauders' Map is no use. It only shows a map of Hogwarts!" Then, he knew what he meant. The Invisibility Cloak. 

Then he said, "Professor, can it fit all five of underneath?" 

"No, but a spell should help us do so." 

Then, Harry knew what spell. The Engorgio Spell. 

Dumbledore explained, "We shall wake up at seven sharp. The way to the Leaky Cauldron is risky. We mustn't dilly. We mustn't dally. What a day it's going to be tomorrow!" 

A/N: Chapter 5 coming out soon! Sorry for the delay! Please R/R! 


	5. Two Experiences

A/N: This is good. Thank you for the review, Dark Moon and your patience. On with the story, will Voldie finally escape from the iron fists of the mad scientist? Will Harry and the gang get to Diagon Alley before it's too late? Find out now! And my story's getting a bit "moralistic" lately.

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J.K. Rowling. Nike shoes belong to the Nike Company.

**_Chapter 5_**

_Two Experiences_

The next day, Harry, Ron, Hermione woke up from an unusually loud splash. "Hey!" 

It was Dumbledore. He was holding a bucket.

"I have to give you a 'WET' alarm clock. Otherwise, you will still be in Dreamland. "

Then, they heard a crash. They quickly went downstairs and found Remus Lupin on the ground with a hole on the wall.

"I heard of your plans. No one goes on an adventure without MOI! My werewolf instincts sometimes...help."

"OK," said Dumbledore. "Are our bags packed. Do we have the Firebolt? Are our wands ignited? Then LET'S GO!'

When they reached the station, they groaned. They clearly forgotten that to get on the train, they need to get pass the electronic gates to the platform. And do that, they need a...

"Ticket. We need tickets. But how?" They are now under the Engorgio-ed Invisibility Cloak. "An hour's time, the Portkey will be activated. We must get in!"

Then Remus took out a piece of rock and said, "Who needs tickets when you have..." He pounded the rock onto the ground, leaving a pile of dust. He pointed his wand at the pile and muttered some words. Then, he picked up the pile and blew them into the air. A moment of silence, then...

BAM! A flash of light blinded their eyes, then, it cleared. It seemed normal but...

"Time-Freeze Rock. Enables people to freeze time but it will soon run out, so, COME ON!"

"But how do we get past the electronic gates?" Hermione asked.

"Simple." He then climbed the gate and jumped over. The rest did the same. "Quickly, to the platform!"

It was a race against time as they looked for the train. "There!" The train stood there. The crowd was not moving at all. Just stood there. Ron looked at a fat boy and quickly slapped his buttock. "Cool, but as hard as rock." Remus pulled Ron out and shouted, "JUMP!" Then, his watch clicked. 

BOOM! Another flash appeared. At the same time, they jumped and went straight under the Invisibility Cloak.

Then, a voice from the speakers said, "Train from Platform 5 leaving." They're just on time! 

But still, it was as slow as ever. The train only seemed to move a centimeter per second. "We'll never get in time!" Dumbledore clearly stated. Sirius then said, "I can speed it up. Just watch me." He then took off his bottom garments.

"Er..." But just before that, he touched his big buttock and the...

"AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!" Hermione screamed. "SHHHHHHHH!" Dumbledore quickly gestured. But who cares? She fainted *bang*. The Marauders' Butt V2 was in Sirius' hands. 

He then tapped it three times. Immediately, the expected sprout of gas shot out. 

"EEEEWWWWW!!!!" The passengers and the conductor rushed for the emergency exits and jumped off. Too bad it will be a long way down.

Harry then folded back his Cloak and stared around. The passengers were nowhere to be seen. "To the cockpit!" They soon rushed and Remus pulled the gear to the maximum as possible. 

The speed only increased to an inch per second. Then, Sirius, tapped the Butt 11 short taps and 2 long taps. At first, steam came out through its anus, then it gave a hiss and BOOM! The Butt suddenly grew booster rockets and fired in mid-air and pushed against the windscreen. At first, they thought the windscreen will crash, then the train suddenly sped up. "The force of the Butt pushing against the train is actually moving the train. The speed we're traveling now depends on how fast the Butt is moving. The speed of it is now increasing the train's speed to a thousand miles per hour!" explained Sirius. 

They enjoyed the smooth ride, until... 

"The station! Quickly brake!" 

Sirius then tapped a sequence on the Butt. It then dropped on the train floor. 

"OK...turn off the engine!" 

Sirius pressed the brake pedal. Nothing happened until a voice came from the speakers...ERROR!!! 

"I'll check it out!" Ron rushed to the back and saw steam, sparks and fire coming out of the engine. "IT'S OVERPOWERED!" He thought for a while, then pointed his wand at the engine, "INCENDIO!" 

The explosion destroyed the entire back carriage but thanks to the impact, Ron was pushed away from the fire. "Phew!" Then, he knew where he was. 

He was on the railroad. 

"AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!" He quickly cling to the railing of the back carriage but his legs can't make it. So, poor Ron had took run while his hands cling to the railing. Harry found a panicked Ron on the railing. He said, "I'll help you!" But then, suddenly, there was a flash of light behind him. He turned around and found something worse than cling and run. 

Another train. 

"AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" He then ran faster but the train was too fast. Ron did something foolish: he leapt his legs off the railroad and tried to push the back train away. Ron's legs kept bending and straightening and re-bending again. 

"Ron, what are you doing?!" 

"I can't get squashed, so what am I so supposed to do?" 

"But you're in a critical position. Because the engine had exploded, this train will lose power and will eventually slow down. But the back train will be constant, so..." 

Ron gulped. "Oh...HHHEEELLLPPPPP!!!!! Speed up so I can escape!!!" 

Sirius took out a spare engine and fixed it to the train. The conductor on the rear train let out a horn and slowed down. And Ron ended up running on the railroad clinging to the out-of-control train. Then Ron's hands slipped off the railing. 

"My legs are aching!" said Ron as he rubbed his legs, and then...HONK!!!! 

"AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!" shouted Ron as he chased after the out-of-control train while being chased by another train, "SLOW DOWN!!!!!" 

"You said to speed up to escape the train!" 

"YIKES!!!" 

Ron finally slowed down because he got tired and forgotten all about the rear train... 

"AAARRGGHHH!!!" yelled Ron as he was pushed by the rear train. The G-forces kept him on the windscreen. The shocked conductor quickly pressed the panic button that set off the emergency button and all the passengers including the conductor jumped out of the train. But the train still had the accelerating power on... 

Ron quickly thought of something, something quite foolish, but it's worth the try. After all, he can't stay there forever... 

He used a frog move and leapt up high and landed SPLAT on the roof of Harry's train. As the train sped along the rails at high speed, sparks began to come out of the wheels. The speed made the front of the train turn red-hot and the sound of the rumbling trains echoed around the tunnel. And suddenly the speed of the fast train broke a few bolts of the rails and practically de-railed the tracks. And so the abandoned train that was at the back of the train that Harry and the gang hit the loose bolts, flew into the track that was no longer there and overturned skidding near the tunnel wall. Then it exploded. 

"What was that?" said Dumbledore as the sound of the explosion echoed around the tunnel joining with the sound of the train, "And what has happened to Ron?" 

"I'll check it out," said Harry as he raced to the back of the train. 

When he reached there the railing at the back of that car was on fire. He tiptoed at looked above the fire. Then, he saw debris scattered along the railroad and the infrastructure of the train caught in a vicious fire. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Harry then walked sadly back to the cockpit. 

"He's dead. The explosion had burned him to ashes," he reported. The others took out their tissue and said their solemn regrets. 

Harry: He may be a nuisance, especially on fourth year, but he's a good friend, a friend who will never return. *blows nose on tissue* 

Hermione: He may copy my homework sometimes, but still he has red hair. I never seen red hair in my life ever.*blows nose on tissue* 

Sirius: He had twin brothers who landed themselves in more detentions than me! But then again, as my godson's bestest best friends, I support him well. *blows nose on tissue (which sounded like a trumpet)* 

Dumbledore: I doubt he will not get even ONE pass in his O.W.L.s. But he is a smart fellow. I'll miss him...very much. *blows nose on tissue* 

Remus: He beats me in chess every time. He is also a sensible fellow. I would like to see him take off those legs from that Boggart spider again and again and again and... 

Hermione: STOP THAT! *slightly sobbing* 

Remus: Okay. *blows nose on tissue* 

Meanwhile, Ron was on top of the train. He closed his eyes and felt his arms, hands, feet, legs, toes, chest and the rest of his body to see whether he made it all in one piece. Surprisingly, he did it. 

"HEY GUYS! I MADE IT! I MADE IT! _**I **_MADE IT!" He jumped on the train and repeated those words again. 

Harry softly said, "See, I still hear him, thinking he had survived, when he didn't." 

Everyone agreed, "Yes, we are hearing him alright." Then, an owl came down heading towards Dumbledore. It was carrying... 

A Howler. 

Dumbledore touched the scarlet envelope, and opened it. 

"YOU MURDEROUS DINGBAT! I THOUGHT I COULD ENTRUST MY SON IN YOUR CARE BUT THEN GUESS WHAT? HE GOT INVOLVED IN A TRAIN ACCIDENT! HE WAS _**INCINERATED!!!!!!! **_YOU ARE A LOUSY HEADMASTER! I'VE LEFT AN EXPLODING MECHANISM IN THIS VERY HOWLER SO THAT AFTER I END MY MESSAGE, IT WILL SELF-DESTRUCT! THAT WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON ABOUT MESSING WITH ME! THIS IS MOLLY WEASLEY SO GOOD BYE!" 

Dumbledore quickly threw the envelope through the window. The Howler then burst into flames. 

"She was right. I am a lousy Headmaster. I do not deserve to be the head of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry II." Saying those words, he appeared a piece of parchment out of nowhere and wrote: 

_To Whom It May Concern,_

_ This will be the last time you will hear from me. Soon, I will go to somewhere far from here, maybe the Galapagos where I could spend the remains of my life with giant turtles._

_ I am not worthy of holding the rank of Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry II. I know you will be surprised in hearing these words, but they are true. I am useless and when a friend needs my help, I didn't and the result was painful to my ears. From today onwards, Albus Dumbledore, known to be one of the best wizards in the world, has fallen into darkness._

_ A friend died because I did not help him when he needed it. His mother called me a "murderous dingbat". She also told me I was a lousy person. She was right. From the moment you receive this letter, I will resign and retire from this suffering job._

_ But let's not forget duties. Prof. Minerva McGonagall will replace me as Headmistress. Prof. Fidelius Flitwick will be Deputy Headmaster. _

_ As for the rest of the students, I wish you good luck in your studies and be a great wizard, probably greater than ol' Albus. I just say:_

_ DRACO DORMIENS NUNQUAM TITILANDUS._

_Your failed Headmaster,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

"YOU CAN'T RESIGN LIKE THAT!" Hermione shouted. "HOGWARTS NEEDS YOU!" 

"Which is the entire opposite. I'm too old. They don't need me." 

"Don't give up!" Sirius replied. "When I found out Peter Pettigrew betrayed Lily and James, I was heartbroken. It was my fault the switch happened. **_I_** planned that switch. And did I quit? NO! Instead, I went on, searching for Peter. Eventually, I ended up in Azkaban. When I found out Peter was in rat form ready to strike, I was about to vomit. I knew I will never make it to Hogwarts. But did I give up? Not even once! I attempted to escape and find Harry. And I did! Don't you see, professor? If you find a fault within yourself, do not quit immediately. Instead, repair that fault and turn over a new leaf. " 

Dumbledore thought for a moment. Then, the same look of triumph Harry saw in fourth year appeared again in his eyes. "Sometimes, for a Marauder, you are wiser than usual. You are right. I will not give up! Note to myself: Make sure no student get outside a train or attempt to explode an engine." He tore up his letter and threw the pieces out. 

Ron was on top of the train when he heard all these and shouted, "GO, PROFESSOR!" 

Harry smiled, "See, professor. Even the ghost of Ron is supporting you! But it must be an audio hallucination." 

Hermione said, "If that's a hallucination, that means I'M having hallucinations also!" 

Everyone else replied, "So do I!" 

Dumbledore ordered, "Harry, check outside...NO! I rather do this. I can't make mistakes happen again." 

After a while, Dumbledore was pinching his cheek with his right hand and slapping himself with the other hand. 

"I MUST BE DREAMING!" Harry and the rest went outside to see. "If we are having audio hallucinations..." Dumbledore said. "...I have worse! I'm having VISUAL HALLUCINATIONS!" 

He pointed to the top of the train. A waving Ron was jumping up and down at the sight of them. 

Harry then rubbed his eyes and looked closely, "How peculiar! I'm having visual hallucinations as well!" 

"Or is it?" Remus then took a huge boulder and threw it to Ron. With his quick reflexes, he used his wand and blew up the boulder. 

"It's Ron!!!!!! HE'S STILL _**ALIVE!!!!**_" 

Ron climbed down a ladder and into the cockpit. 

"Darn, I regret saying those regrets!" said Sirius as he banged his fist onto a lever. Unfortunately that lever is the throttle lever... 

"YIKES!!!! It's going faster!!!!" yelled Ron. 

The train slid along the tracks, de-railing some and caused sparks to fly off from the wheel. The echo grew louder. Soon enough, the train flew into a sharp turn. 

"WHOA!!!!" shouted Remus as the train nearly overturned from that high-speed corner. 

After the turn the track ahead was straight. Harry could see lights on that end. 

"I think I'm getting sick," said Hermione as her stomach grumbled. 

"The lights! We are near our station!" said Harry. 

"Holy Moly!!!!!" said Dumbledore as he pulled the brake lever and held it down. 

The screeches echoed around the tunnel. Sparks flew from the wheels as the brake hub slowed the wheels down. The train shook violently. The friction caused smoke to rise from the wheels and finally, there was fire on the wheels. 

"The wheels are on FIRE!!!!" yelled Ron pointing at the side. 

Dumbledore held the lever at all his might. But the friction made the brake hub to break.... 

"Oh no! The brakes are gone!" shouted Sirius in a panic expression. 

Then the train emerged into the lights and along the platform tracks. But still the train only slowed down a tiny bit. 

"Jump out of the train in a count of 3!!!!" shouted Dumbledore to drown the echoes of the train. The fire caused by the train wheel's friction spread to the bottom of the metal floor of the cockpit making the floor hot. So there was no need to jump at the count of three. 

All of them jumped out and tumbled onto the platform at the last second as the train sped out of the platform, into a corner and finally the sound of the train could not be heard. 

The people waiting on the platform stayed still and stared in shock with their jaws dropping and their eyes wide-open. 

Then a very stout and well-fed owl came down and dropped a letter on Dumbledore's head. He opened the envelope and this was what it read: 

_Sorry for the misunderstanding. I hope you are still alive from the explosion I set in that howler. This is Molly Weasley. Goodbye and good luck in the mission. And please tell Ron...DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT BY CHEATING DEATH!!!! Be careful._

Dumbledore folded the paper and put it in his pocket. Suddenly, Dumbledore stared at the railroad with shock. 

"What is it?" said Remus. 

"Well, after this station there is a railroad junction and you see another train will be turning to the right of the junction. The train that we boarded on will have to stop at the junction when the other train passes by. And after that train goes, our train will continue. But our train cannot stop because there is no conductor which means that it will..." 

But there was no need of Dumbledore to continue...CRASH!!!!! Steel beams flew into the station. Suddenly, a bright yellow train smashed into the wall of the tunnel in a tilted position and overturned just before it totally jumped off the track and skidded across the station platform upside down. 

The shocked waiting people screamed and dashed up the stairs that exited the station. Smoke rose from the overturned train and suddenly there was fire. 

"It's going to explode!!!" yelled Dumbledore. 

All of them ran up the stairs at 60 miles per hour. They zoomed out of the station just on time as the explosion occurred. 

"OOPS!!!" said all of them as they put on the Invisibility Cloak. Luckily nobody was there. 

They were on time. But the "Ron's Death" had wasted a lot of time. Because of that, they now only have... 

"5 MINUTES!!!" 

They reached the Underground. But the security was tight. Guards were standing everywhere. Some were walking around and some were resting. But the most scary part was that each of them were carrying a long, bloodshot-red rifle. Just by looking at it, Harry knew it was very dangerous. 

"An EQ-65 RISK 907! The most lethal rifle in the world. They can shoot their ammunition to a range of 160 miles!" whispered Hermione. At that time she saw a guard reloading his rifle with green bullets. 

"The GS-22M bullet! The most deadly bullet in the world. They even have a flammable poison in it!" said Hermione again, "I thought the rifle and the bullet were banned from being used." 

"Maybe since the "alien incident", the government lifted the ban," replied Dumbledore. 

"Hold it! How did you know about these rifles?" said Remus to Hermione. 

"Muggle studies. What else." 

"Deadly rifle. Deadly bullet. Now what!" said Sirius. 

Then, Remus said, "Harry, did you know "Riddikulus" works on Muggles too?" 

"Er...no?" 

"Then, you try." 

Harry lifted his wand at the nearest guard and whispered "Riddikulus!" 

Then, all of them were stunned in shock. 

The guard next to him also reacted. 

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!" He lifted both his arms into the air. A smell of rotten flesh filled the air. 

The other guards held their breath, all thinking the same thing, "Albert sure has smelly armpits!" 

They ran away from the site to the nearest bathroom. The guard that Harry cast the spell on asked the Armpit Guard, "What happened?" 

Then, the guard pointed to his feet, "NIKE SHOES!" 

Then, both of them ran into the men's bathroom, screaming all the way. 

Harry and the rest took off the Cloak, laughing all the way. Hermione then asked, "Harry, you could have transformed him into a lizard or a spider (Ron gulped) but DON'T TRY TO SCARE US BY MAKING HIM WEAR NIKE SHOES!" 

Harry calmly said, "I can't scare them off if I don't make him wear Nike..." 

"STOP SAYING THAT NAME!" 

Sirius asked him, "How can you just laugh? It's a catastrophe! You're never scared of the consequences?" 

Harry replied, "I worn Dudley's pair once." 

Then, all of them took 6 steps away from Harry. 

"Hold it," said Dumbledore as he pulled his sleeve to reveal his_** digital **_watch, "30 seconds!" 

"YIKES!!!" 

All of them zoomed to the Leaky Cauldron. 

A/N: I'm so cool! Sorry this took so long, but I MUST have insane ideas. 

Next: Will Voldie have a chance to break from his dangerous prison? Because soon he will find something that will change his life...forever! 


	6. The Affairs of the Sun Lotion

A/N: I'm back with Insanity degree at 200. On with the story...will Harry and the gang make it to the Portkey in 30 seconds? What is the thing that can change Voldemort's life forever? Find out in this chapter.

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J.K. Rowling. 

_**Chapter 6**_

_**The Affairs of the **__**Sun Lotion**_

"HURRY!!!!!" 

They all zoomed to the end of the Underground and found the Leaky Cauldron. They did not need to rotate the doorknob. In this situation, they dashed towards the door and smashed it with their fantastic speed. They raced to the wall and like an F1 car, Harry tapped the wand on the usual brick 3 times.

"NOW!!!" 

They rushed to the dustbin. "TEN SECONDS!!!"

The crowd gave way as the gang ran towards the dustbin. Or should I say, LEAPT at the dustbin.

9...8...7...6...5...4

Suddenly, a waiter hit the leaping people and they tripped and fell onto the floor. They were still 90 feet away from the dustbin! As the gang jumped out they dashed towards it like an airplane zooming along the runway about to take off.

3...2...

20 feet away.

...1...

They leapt at 15 feet.

...0.75...

At 9.25 feet they start to fall.

...0.5...

4.89 feet, they hit the ground and tumbled to the dustbin.

...0.25...

(A/N: Am I torturing you?)

Clutched the dustbin.

...0!

BOOM!

Then, they disappeared. The crowd just stared at the corner where the dustbin used to be.

_At the Space Asylum..._

Lord Voldemort walked back and forth across the huge cage. It had been a day, since he made "friends" with the astronauts in space. Now, he is a prisoner.

He looked outside the window and saw a bunch of children far away during recess. 

They seem to be having more fun, he thought. He began to think of the times he had before he took up drinking caffeine-high coffee. 

About the times when he was the meanest guy on Earth. About the times when he was ready to do some murder. About the times when he murdered two of the best wizards in Hogwarts. About the downfall he had while trying to kill one baby. 

Then, he got an idea. "I'll surrender! Maybe, I can have more fun in the Good Side!" But it was too late. He will never get out. 

An astronaut came in with a glass of lemonade... 

...and a strange-looking bottle. 

"What is that?" The astronaut looked at Voldemort. "You can speak English?" 

"Duh!" 

"This is sun lotion." 

"Sun lotion?" 

The astronaut was surprised at Voldemort's expression. He doesn't know sun lotion? 

"Sun Lotion is some gooey white cream you put on your skin to avoid sun burns..." 

"Sun Burns?" 

"The red spots you have on your skin if you are exposed to sun for too long." 

The astronaut was about to walk away when Voldemort asked, "Can I have it?" 

"What?" 

"The Sun lotion." 

"Fine." 

Slowly, he gave the yellow bottle to the mad fellow. 

At first, Voldemort opened the cap of the bottle. He shook the bottle but nothing came out. 

Then, he squeezed the bottle. A squirt of slimy white cream squirted out. He looked at it and sniffed at it. Then he turned his face away with a frown of disgust. 

Afterwards, he rubbed it on his arm. Then his eyes widened. He rubbed it again and a smile lined along his mouth. Then he rubbed it faster. 

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" 

He then rubbed the sun lotion on his other arm and laughed hysterically. He pointed the bottle at his face and squeezed it hard. A huge blast of cream squirted at his face. 

"NYAHAHAHAHA!!" laughed Voldemort with joy. He rubbed it everywhere and then he ripped off his clothes... 

The guard stood there in shock with his mouth open as Voldie rubbed the sun lotion on his whole body. And then he squeezed the whole bottle and another blast of white cream shot out. Soon enough he was practically having the shower of his life. 

Afterwards, he squeezed the bottle but nothing came out. He finished the bottle. 

"Can I have another bottle?" questioned Voldemort with his eyes filled with tears. 

The guard who was so shocked took out a huge box filled with bottles of sun lotion. 

Voldemort grabbed one bottle, opened the lid and blasted a fountain of sun lotion in his mouth. 

"YUMMY!!! **_BURP!!!! _**" 

Voldemort jumped up and down squirting sun lotion everywhere. He then pointed the bottle at the guard's face and smacked the bottom of the bottle and _**POOF!!!**_ The guard ran away from the cell screaming like crazy with an extremely white face. 

After a while, Inn D. Pink came into the scene with the white-faced guard. But it was too late. Voldemort already opened the 37th bottle and started squirting around his white naked body. Sun lotion started oozing through the steel bars. 

"EMERGENCY SHUTTERS!!!" yelled Inn. The guard with the white face ran towards a lever and pulled it down. Then glass panels came down from the ceiling and enclosed the whole cell. But at that time the cell was flooded with sun lotion. 

"WEEEEEE!!!!!" laughed Voldemort with joy as he swam in the cream. His body was as pale as ever. 

Bottles of sun lotion were floating in the gooey pool. Voldemort then opened his 97th bottle and blasted a fountain into the pool. Then he found a metal bar. Voldie picked it up and bashed on the bottle causing a more powerful blast. Then he accidentally screeched the bar on the steel bars of the cell and there was fire. And as you know that sun lotion is flammable... 

BOOM!!!! The whole cell was on fire. Voldemort stopped jumping but then broke into a more hysterical laugh as he somersaulted in the fire bobbing up and down in the flaming pool. The flame was so hot that it broke the glass, causing the flaming liquid to flow out. 

"ARRRGGHHH!!!!" shouted both Inn and the guard as they ran out of the Cell Group 4. The liquid rapidly chased after them and soon... 

_**BOOM!!!! BOOM!!!!! BOOM!!!! BOOM!!!! BOOM!!! BOOM!!!**_

Red Scar: CUT!!!! What's wrong with you two! Hit the spark plug once! Not 6 times! 

Sound Effects Technician 1: *giggle* 

Sound Effects Technician 2: *hit the spark plug* (BOOM!!!!) 

Red Scar: You are Fred and George again!!!! Get out you BLABBERING BLUBBERHEADS!!! Have fun in Studio 15 if you like. They are now making the movie "BOMB OF DOOM". 

Fred: But the actors are wearing NIKE SHOES!!! 

Red Scar: *sigh* Just go you blubberheads. @#$%!!!! GO!!!! 

_**BOOM!!!**_

The fire could be seen by the boys who were doing recess as Voldemort saw earlier. 

"SEND HIM TO CELL W17!!" said Inn to a guard as the fire fighters started erasing the flames. 

"You mean the most toughest cell in this building?" 

"DUH!!! THIS FEMICADRON IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS! Not to mention extremely insane." 

At last, when it was over, the guards dragged a sun lotion-drinking Voldemort all the way to the cell W17. 

A/N: The end of Chapter 6. This is what you will see in days to come. 

NEXT: The meeting with the International Confederation of Wizards will be held. Will the proposal to rescue Lord Voldemort work. If so, WHO WILL DO THE TASK? 


	7. The Meeting with the Confederation

A/N: Thank you Dark Moon for the nice reviews. Yup, you're right, iluvmarauders, I'M interesting. You might not see much of insanity for the next few chapters but you will see some soon. Insanity Degree: 78

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J. K. Rowling.

_**Chapter 7**_

_**The Meeting with the Confederation**_

Harry Potter and his friends woke up and looked around. They had made it...or did they?

"WE DID IT!!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!"

"I was expecting your arrival."

They turned around to the direction of the voice.

"Ah, Abraham!" Dumbledore then hugged the old man in P. Js.

"Harry, this is Abraham Peasegood, creator of Quodpot and Minister of Magic in the United States of America."

"Yes, Dumbledore. Have you heard the news lately?"

"Yes, sir. Yes. Bad times now."

"I see you brought friends."

"Yes. This is Remus Lupin and Sirius Black..."

"Sirius Black? I thought he was that murderer convict in Azkaban?"

"He is free now. May I continue? Then, my children friends, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter."

Abraham blinked his eyes for a while and rubbed his eyes. "Is he...REALLY Harry Potter?"

Harry replied, "Yes, sir. I am Harry Potter."

"Do you have that...scar?"

Harry nodded and lifted his fringe, revealing a lightning bolt scar on his forehead.

"By golly! I was busy talking to Dumbledore when I didn't know he brought a celebrity more famous than The Weird Sisters themselves! Welcome Harry to Louisiana!" He looked at his watch. "Oh dear! Sorry Dumbledore but I must attend my meeting..."

"Meeting about what?"

"Meeting about the incidents that just happened. The International Confederation of Wizards and the Wizarding Senate will also be attending this."

"May we follow you to the meeting?"

"Certainly. Besides, ol' Fudge has been sick these days. We'll need a representative for England still!"

"We'll be the representatives."

"Then let's go!"

They followed Abraham to his car. He drove them all the way to a deserted moor. 

"There it is, my representatives."

A tall large white building stood right in the middle of the moor. 60 stories tall and covers 700 square feet, it may seem impossible for this building to be hidden from Muggles unless it was being charmed by Disillusionment Charms daily.

When they entered, they found a tall chamber, filling the interior of the building. They have to go through a door and climb up several steps before they reached their "pod". The walls of the chamber are filled with these pods and representatives, including the Supreme Chancellor of the International Confederation of Wizards sit on comfortable chairs on these pods. If they wish to speak to all wizards, the pod will levitate and move to the center of the chamber. 

"THE SUPREME CHANCELLOR OF THE INTERNATIONAL CONFEDERATION OF WIZARDS SHALL NOW SPEAK!!!" The Chancellor's pod then levitated and moved to the center of the room. He pointed his wand to his throat, "Sonorus." 

"My dear fellow friends from the International Confederation of Wizards, the Wizarding Senate and the representatives from each country. A capture of an infamous villain has triggered a series of unexpected chain events. We have sent letters to every Ministry of Magic to write a report about the country's status and opinions about this new menace. Since there are more than 300 countries in this planet, our Secretary was asked to write a report summarizing every single report sent." 

After that, the Secretary's pod levitated and moved beside the Supreme Chancellor's pod. He gave a folder to the Supreme Chancellor and his pod moved back to its original position. The Chancellor opened the folder and read: 

"According to all reports, the situation of all countries are chaotic. The people were divided into factions and were hidden in places hard to find. Some had went to mountain regions and stayed there temporarily. It is also said that the Wizarding school sessions have been stalled. If this goes on, the students will be behind in their studies. 99% of the Ministers have a sole proposal: to find this Muggle menace and stop this." 

Then, the Supreme Chancellor closed the folder and asked, "Who supports this proposal?" 

Then, gray domes formed on the pods. It's Voting Time! 

When this happens, all representatives will have to tap their wand on either two panels, the red panel or the green panel. Red for No, Green for Yes. 

After everyone voted, the gray domes opened. It was found that all representatives accept this plan. 

The Chancellor replied, "Good. Now, the final question is...WHO WILL GO?" 

No one said a word. All of them just put on their thinking caps and thought for a while. 

Harry was worried. Someone must go. Otherwise, the plan won't work. Well, it will be worth a try... 

"I WILL GO!" Everyone turned to Harry and his pod. "It's true, I will go." 

The Supreme Chancellor said, "Are you sure about this, boy?" 

"Yes." 

Dumbledore raised his hand, "So will I." 

Ron and Hermione said, "So will I." 

Remus and Sirius said, "So will I." 

"So will I." 

They turned to the direction of the voice. 

"PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL?" 

There she was, with glasses and all, she stood in another pod. 

The Supreme Chancellor spoke, "So be it. These seven people shall venture on a quest beyond perilous. No matter whether they succeed or fail, this deed will be remembered by all wizards for generations to come. Council Dismissed!" 

Everyone left their pods, including Harry and the rest. They met Professor McGonagall. "How did you get here?" Hermione asked. 

"It is much easier to transform into a tabby cat and hitch a ride on a Muggle airplane than finding a Portkey." 

The Supreme Chancellor met all seven of them. "I see you are still fit although aging, Dumbledore." 

"Never underestimate an old man, Chancellor." 

"Good luck on your mission, all of you." He shook Dumbledore's hand and left the building. Remus and Sirius made a high-five. They met Abraham Peasegood outside. "I see you are ready to take the risks. Oh, yes, I have to drive you to the nearest wizard hotel. Tomorrow, I will drive you to Miami, Florida." 

A/N: This is not as insane, yet. See what happens in days to come. 

NEXT ON MARAUDERS' BUTT 2: Harry, Ron and Hermione will acquire an extra skill from Dumbledore. What is this newly acquired skill? 


	8. The Order of the Phoenix

A/N: Back again. I know. The previous chapter was boring...BUT...my Insanity Degree is getting to 89.64. Now on with this chapter. The skill. What is it? Find out here.

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J. K. Rowling. Teletubbies belong to some company which I don't know. So I don't own it...*PHEW!*

_**Chapter 8**_

_**The Spirit Revived**_

After Dumbledore got trampled by the crowd at Bucky's Bagged Bugger Beach, he had to search for an antidote. He found Lily and James in heaven and asked for help. They gave him a tarantula and asked him to eat it and he did and well, his body is still purple but then, he married his hot babe but another tsunami came in and he got squashed by the crowd...AGAIN!

Red Scar: Here's the real story *sigh*

_**The Order of the Phoenix**_

"Nice bed!" As soon Ron set his foot in the hotel room, he quickly jumped onto the comfy bed, not knowing the bed is filled with green slime.

Everyone then, fell onto their beds, also not knowing about their green slime.

_After a while..._

"WAKE UP!!!!!!" At the sound of Dumbledore's megaphone, everyone stood on the bed.

"Follow me."

"BUT IT'S FREAKIN' ONE IN THE MORNIN'!" they all protested.

"The earlier the better."

They hopped into Abraham's car, still in their pajamas. Sirius' pajamas was banana yellow with pictures of Teletubbies all over it. McGonagall's was similar to the ones the Bananas in Pajamas wear. Hermione's was electric blue filled with complicated equations from Arithmancy not to mention the pink fairies beside the equations. Ron's was scarlet red with gray hearts printed everywhere. 

"I'm bored," Sirius said. "I KNOW! I bet you can't recite the Teletubbies song!"

"Who says? I can too!" said Ron.

"Teletubbies? Of course I know!" said Hermione.

"Oh I love that series. I can too! The Teletubbies rock!" said Remus.

Dumbledore and McGonagall sighed and said, "We have to confess...WE CAN TOO!!!"

Harry said, "Hey, I RULE THE SONG. LET'S SEE WHO WINS THE CHALLENGE!

Ron: Tinkie Winkie!

Harry: Dipsy!

Hermione: La La!

Sirius: Po!

All: TELETUBBIES! TELETUBBIES! 

Dumbledore: Say 

Remus: Hel- 

McGonagall: -lo 

All: Hello! 

McGonagall: One more time! 

They kept on singing that silly song until they reached at the deserted moor again with the Senator Building. A man was there with a long blackboard. "Here's the blackboard, Professor Dumbledore." They came out of the car and listened to Dumbledore. 

"Now, I guessed the Space Capturers have great technology and great security. To get pass those, we need to learn something that looks complicated."

"Now, once, I was thinking of ways to defeat Lord Voldemort. I concocted potions, created other spells. But none were powerful enough compared to his strength. For days and nights, I waited for results

"While, I was messing around, I accidentally knocked my Ouija Board. The message that appeared revealed that there is a mysterious and powerful force at work. I went on my research, now closing my search field to strange and paranormal forces. I discovered something called the Phoenix. A powerful force, it binds the galaxies and the universe together. If anyone can control the Phoenix and use its powers, he can rule the universe.

"I set out trying to find out how to control and use it. After years of research, I found out how. I put my research to a test. I practiced and then, BOOM! I managed to control it. 

"But I can't fight Voldemort alone. I want someone else to share my secrets. So, The Order of the Phoenix was formed. I as the Master and others as my Apprentices. James Potter, Sirius Black, Minerva McGonagall, and Remus Lupin..."

"But I thought there was an Inn D. Pink as well!" said Sirius.

"Don't bring out things that happened in the past. As I was saying, all of them succeeded. As I continue my research, I found out that I was not the first one to discover this strange power. It was actually the ancient wizards of Egypt who found it first. Long ago, they worshipped the god, Ra-Harakhty and gained elemental powers beyond imaginable. I believe Ra-Harakhty was the Phoenix."

"So, why are you telling us all about it?" asked Harry.

"Because you must learn how to use it. If you don't know, you will never survive the mission."

"Before you can master the Phoenix, you must first master one element. At least one element. Harry, you will learn to master Lightning Element, Ron, you'll have Fire and Hermione, Water."

Soon, he drew three symbols on the blackboard. He drawn a lightning-shaped symbol, a fire symbol and a huge drop of water.

"Harry, look at the symbol carefully. Now, close your eyes and imagine it." 

Then, he lifted Harry's finger, "Now...FIRE!"

All Harry's finger did was shoot out a spark. 

"You haven't been concentrating enough." Dumbledore now repeated the process but much more careful. The result was remarkable...a streak of lightning that shot into the air and held for 5 seconds before fading.

"How astonishing!" Dumbledore remarked. Then, he turned to Ron. "Now, Fire element is a more complex element and a common one." He did the same thing as Harry and Ron's finger was on fire.

"FIRE!!! FIRE!!!" He dipped his finger straight into a nearby and already specially prepared by Dumbledore (He knew this would happen.) bucket of water.

"Concentrate more if you wish not to be on fire." He did the "Elemental Learning Process" once more and another remarkable result, a shoot of flames 7 feet into the air and lasted for 7 seconds.

"Hermione, Water element is much cooling." The ELP was repeated once more and from Hermione's finger, a drop of water as big as your thumb formed and dropped onto the ground and froze there.

"Nice try but could you make a better hose than this?" 

Harry was beginning to feel thirsty so he asked Dumbledore. He walked across to the jug nearby.

"Okay, you can try now but...NO NO NO!!!!" But it was too late. The sprout of water that shot from her finger aimed at Harry and soon, he's an ice block.

"I'LL HANDLE THIS!!!" Sirius then, created from his hands a large fireball a size of a basketball. He bounced it onto the ground and did some kicking and other "football" tricks before sending the fireball with a bicycle kick towards the huge ice block. In seconds...

BOOM!!! Harry woke up and asked, "Why am I all wet?"

"Fiery Football," Dumbledore said. "A fantastic Elemental Attack. What all of you did was just mere Elemental Training but this is better."

Ron then said, "Cool, Sirius. We're the same Element!" They gave a high-five.

"Now...Harry don't injure your fellow partners."

Harry quickly hid his finger on his back but it was too late. Hermione's face was black by the lightning bolt.

He drew a pentagram star on different positions on each symbol. "Concentrate on the symbol again, this time with the star at the exact position. Remember, no two wizards have the same Elemental Attack, so everyone is unique. We just have to NAME the Elemental Attack."

Harry's turn was first. He turned around in circles for a while and smirked.

"Now, open your eyes!"

When he opened his eyes, his eyes turned yellow in colour. You could even see sparks jotting in and out of his eyeballs. He pulled his right hand to the back and white ripples formed around his hand. And then he threw his hand forward and the white ripples flew with an extremely thick thunderbolt. Then an explosion occurred.

Harry then woke from the trance. "Harry, did you even see a view like you are looking through the aiming scope of a gun when you were concentrating?"

"Duh. Why?"

"Why the result came out like this?"

He pointed at a very black Hermione Granger.

"Well..."

"Sweet revenge, isn't it? Well, let's give it a name. Your thunderbolt was extremely tremendous! _Tremendous Thunderbolt!_"

"Ron, you're up."

Nothing happened after he opened his eyes.

"I didn't see anything at all," he said.

"Oh yes," Dumbledore remembered. "Your element is quite special for a teen. Your Elemental Attack only works on evil people!" He took from his bag a huge dummy of Lord Voldemort smiling, holding a tray of cookies, wearing an apron saying, "KISS THE COOK?!"

"Now, try again."

After a while, he opened his eyes. His eyes turned steaming red and real steam hissed out of his nostrils, like a bull.

He lifted his hands and made his palms face "Voldemort". Smoke twirled around his hands and grouped together. Suddenly, light emerged from the smoke group and a huge stream of fire blasted from his hands and incinerated the dummy.

"Nice work. The flames are as furious as you are. _Furious Flames!_"

"Hermione, your turn."

She concentrated as much as she could and circled around and smirked.

She was pointing at Harry.

"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no." Harry was mumbling. But mumbling won't work when a Granger is casting her mighty spell.

Her eyes turned as blue as her pajamas. She moved her hands around in front of her and then blue sparks shot out. Water suddenly emerged from nowhere. Afterwards she crossed her arms and huge 30 feet waves grew from the water. She then pulled her hands out of the cross and the waves zoomed towards the victim. 

And Harry Potter turned into another ice block.

"Revenge is sweet."

After another Fiery Football move, Harry was wetter than usual.

"_Deadly Doomwave._ How is that, Hermione? Hermione?"

Too late. Harry turned into another ice block and Hermione was soot.

"You will never stop, will you?"

"Now, that you have your Elemental Attacks, you will have to learn to use your basic element Light."

Ron began to yawn. "Light? How can it help? It's useless!"

"You call this useless?" He drew his wand and out of its tip, came out a long green beam 3 feet long. 

"Cool!" Harry remarked. "Like Star Wars!"

"Light Element," Dumbledore made the beam disappear. "Only the best could use it. But I will not make you learn it. When the time is ripe, I will."

"Professor," Ron asked. "Why we had never seen our Elemental Attacks? The moment we woke up, the damage was done."

"Because the star you concentrated on is the Star of the Phoenix. You are surrendering your body and soul to the Phoenix. The moment you open your eyes, your mind will be possessed. The Phoenix will look inside your heart, brain and nerve system, and does the Elemental Attack automatically. But there will be a time when you get to use your Elemental Attack without the help of the Phoenix."

After several minutes of training (and a battle between a Granger and a Potter), they went back, singing the Teletubbies song again. When they reached the hotel room, all of them fell onto the bed and (synchronized) fell asleep.

Before Harry fell asleep, he cast another Lightning on Hermione (YYYAAAAOOOO!!!!) and she blasted her Deadly Doomwave, BUT, she forgot that the waves wipe everything in its path and since her bed is on the end of the room....

"Sorry."

Everybody was frozen in their sleep.

A/N: Okay, to tell you the truth, I DON'T WATCH TELETUBBIES! I only watched them when I was young but thank God I will never, EVER, watch them again. 

NEXT ON MARAUDERS' BUTT 2: The journey from Louisiana to Miami will begin! But of course, you know me too well, I will always make something unusual in EVERY chapter. Hehehehehehehe!


	9. The PogoWogo Journey

A/N: Okay, from now onwards, I will tell you my Insanity Degree in every chapter, so you will expect what will happen in this one.

INSANITY DEGREE: (jolted up) 169.3328 (THANK GOD)

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J. K. Rowling. Apache helicopters belong to the Apache company. (I think so. But one thing's for sure. I DON'T OWN THEM!!!! SO DON'T SUE ME!!!!). Sonic the Hedgehog and related indicia belongs to SEGA. And again Teletubbies belong to whoever who owns it.

**_Chapter 9_**

**_The Pogo-Wogo Journey_**

The next morning, all of them found themselves wet (The ice melted overnight). "WHY ARE WE WET..." The victims turned their faces at Hermione. 

BOOM!

The light could be seen from outside. Hermione became blacker than coal. 

"Come on, let's go," said a frustrated Albus Dumbledore.

They grouped outside the hotel. Abraham Peasegood was outside as well. "Dumbledore, why are you drenched?"

"Forget about it. Anyway, what's our transport?"

He led them to the back of the building. What they saw over there surprised everybody.

Seven pogo sticks.

"What are those?" Ron asked.

"Pogo sticks. If you use a car, the border guards will catch you. But pogo sticks, they are POLLUTION FREE! They don't even use fuel! They oughta be the TRANSPORT OF THE FUTURE! Imagine, one car park space could fill 50 POGO STICKS!"

"First of all, how do you use a pogo stick?"

"Firstly, jump onto them. See these? Your feet should cling onto them just like bicycle pedals! Push your feet downwards on these stationary pedals so that the spring below contracts. Release and the spring will blast the stick upwards and you'll go bouncing all the way to Miami!!!! Actually the normal pogo stick is just 4 feet tall but since it's a trip to Miami, we need a bigger one. So, I modified 7 pogo sticks and they are now 8 feet tall." 

"Cool!" Ron remarked, "Let me try!" He climbed up a long ladder next to the nearest pogo stick and jumped on it. "Now, push your feet downwards and..."

Suddenly, the long pogo stick lurched forward and after some panicking, Ron actually got the hang of it.

"I doing it!"

"Go, Ron!!!!!!!!"

But all of a sudden, he raised his hands from the handle. "Look ma! NO HANDS!!!"

"NO NO NO!!!" But it was too late. The pogo stick slammed onto the ground.

Abraham shook his head. "Never EVER try the "No Hander" trick on pogo sticks. They never work on pogo sticks."

Soon, everyone climbed up their pogo sticks and started practicing. McGonagall got the hang of it but suddenly she tripped over Dumbledore's pogo stick and both fell down. Hermione wanted to bounce on Harry's head but Harry wanted to bounce on Hermione's head so the results was both heads knocked together (OUCH!). Sirius and Remus bounced up and down simultaneously and every now and then they would high-five but the 'One Hander' trick also could not work so...CRASH!

"Enough practice!" But Harry at last managed to bounce on Hermione's head. She then fell down.

"I see stars," said Hermione.

"Now, the road is a straight-forward one. Just follow the signs and don't get lost. Dumbledore, you're in charge of all of them. I pasted a map on your pogo stick just in case you get lost. On your marks!"

They all jumped on their pogo sticks.

"Get set!"

Their feet pushed down the spring and they leaned forward.

"GO!!!!"

They released the spring and they went bouncing all the way to Miami.

"Wish you luck," Abraham muttered. "Dumbledore."

They were having trouble going forward but after a mile past they got used to seeing things go up and down. Across the fields they went and then they saw a busy road. The highway! 

"Rush hour! Bounce on the cars!" ordered Dumbledore. 

All of them bounced on the zooming cars. They were then out of control. They turned sideways and backwards and slantways and they went in every direction there is. And finally there was a traffic jam. They bounced on the stationary cars with ease. Suddenly they accidentally went onto another road which was filled with zooming cars. 

Dumbledore looked at the map, "This is the way!"

Every now and then they would fall of a car but luckily they would jump back onto another car before they would be crushed. And suddenly they met up with a small tunnel. 

"We'll never make it through this small tunnel on these high pogo sticks," said Hermione.

Dumbledore thought then he saw a long stick, "The pogo sticks can get through without us! We are going to go over the hill!" He then grabbed the long stick.

"Grab the stick!"

All of them clutched at the stick.

"NOW JUMP!"

Everybody thought it was crazy but they did so. The pogo sticks went into the tunnel like they had invisible riders. Dumbledore drove the stick through the soil and they "pole vaulted" over the hill.

"WWHHHOOOAAAA!!!!" 

They screamed and then they heard Dumbledore.

"LET GO!!!!!"

They did so and they saw their pogo sticks emerge from the other end of the tunnel and they landed right on their transports. After a about 30 miles on bouncing motion Dumbledore saw a subway.

"In the subway!"

They bounced down the stairs and into the station. A few seconds later then bounced back up the stairs as fast as possible. 

"YIKES!!!"

An orange train flew up the stairs, into the air, And crashed upside down on the road. The train blocked the cars from proceeding. Suddenly...BOOM!! The train exploded causing the cars to be on fire.

"We got the road to ourselves!" said Remus with relief.

"How come the train went off its tracks just like that?" questioned Ron.

"Well, I think the incident at The Underground back at England has caused some trouble in the track system and it spread to America," replied Dumbledore. 

They bounced around the empty road when suddenly, "SURRENDER OR WE WILL FIRE!!!!"

A black helicopter came up and trailed the pogo sticks. Then a weapon came out of the helicopter and started firing bullets.

"YAAAAHHH!!!"

They bounced around avoiding the bullets they shot. Then the helicopter started releasing missiles. Then the helicopter zoomed in front of them and turned around and started firing another hail of bullets. Missiles then joined the chaos. Then the helicopter released bouncing grenades and the gang avoided all their ammunition in one go. Then the helicopter came low to the road until it was a few inches off the ground.

"Bounce on the helicopter!!!!"

They all bounced on the helicopter and then it rolled and crashed at a nearby farm. 

"THAT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF THEM!!!"

They followed Dumbledore's orders turning at junctions along bridges and in some obstacles such as rocky hills and narrow beams over huge gorges. And they took some shortcuts stated in the map. 

Then after about a 100 miles later they started to become tired.

"How long more?" questioned Sirius slowing down.

"We must reach Miami before it's too late," said McGonagall.

They went for another hour in the nice quiet road when Dumbledore looked at the map.

"We must go to Interstate 14!"

"Another highway chaos!" replied Harry.

"Not again!" said Hermione.

They bounced up a hill and went directly into a busy highway. They bounced on the cars again. But this time the cars were much faster. they went here and there so much that Dumbledore could only see blurs.

He looked at the map and then looked up, "We missed a junction!"

"OH NO!!!!"

Dumbledore thought furiously and looked at the map. He looked up again and saw an extremely high bridge. 

"WE MUST GO OVER THE BRIDGE!!!!!"

He then saw another extremely long stick and then they pole vaulted over the bridge (this time while carrying their pogo sticks). On the way down they realized that on the side of the bridge is a cliff so...

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!"

The fell down and then they hit the ground on their springs and they blasted to the air and then they saw a theme park...

"We are in ORLANDO! This is Disneyland!"

They then landed on a roller coaster and they bounced off the ride. And they landed 155 miles away. Which was a dangling wooden bridge. The bridge shook, over an extremely high and wide canyon.

"OH NO!!!!"

They bounced along the long shaking bridge. The bouncing force of the pogo sticks made it shake more violently. And to make matters worse...

"SURRENDER NOW OR WE WILL FIRE!!!!"

A giant plane (that can hover on rockets) rose from the bottom of the canyon. 

"First an Apache helicopter. Now, a humungous GOLIATH C-944!!!!" yelled Hermione trying to keep the pogo stick's balance on the shaking bridge.

"How did you know that?" said Ron with the same difficulty as Hermione.

"MUGGLE STUDIES!!!!"

Then balls of electricity shot were shot out from the cannons. The gang tried to dodge the electric balls while keeping balance of the bridge. Then two sharp poles stuck out of the front and then.....ZZZZAAAAPPPPP!!!!

An electric beam (a 100 times more powerful than Harry's _Tremendous Thunderbolt_) shot out from the zappers. It was unbelievable that bridge was still intact. 

"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?"

Then three cannon-shaped funnels came out from under it. Then steam came out. The gang knew what was going to happen...VVVRRROOOMMM!!!

A fire stream blasted out of the funnels. Then the "flame streamers" rotated around and the fire stream burned the bridge. Luckily the gang was not incinerated. BUT...the bridge was on fire so it won't take long for it to break...

"HOLD IT!"

Then, a hatch on the top of the huge machine and there stood a plump and bald man with an orange moustache. His head is really oval and his suit is red at the top and black at the bottom with a yelllow stripe criss-crossing at the bottom. Harry groaned. He is DR. ROBOTNIK!!!!

"You aren't that measly hedgehog! Scratch, Grounder, what is the meaning of this?"

Out of a bush, came two robots. One looks much like a chicken, another robot was shorter, green and had drills for his nose, and hands. 

"Oh, oh," said the chicken-like robot. "You lead Dr. Robotnik to nothing but humans . Oh no! _You_ are in big trouble.

"Nope," said Grounder. "You told me, 'Get on with it. Get that hedgehog!' _**You**_ are in big trouble!"

"BOTH OF YOU ARE IN GREAT TROUBLE!!!!!!" Dr. Robotnik lost his patience. "I want that hedgehog! This is planet Earth!!!! NOT MOBIUS!!!!!"

Then, a short blue person came down a hill like lightning. He was wearing a yellow helmet...in other words, he is a mechanic.

"May I speak to Dr. Robotnik, sirs?" he asked the two robots.

"Erm, yes."

The huge machine landed itself onto the other side of the canyon.

"NOW WHAT?"

The blue mechanic said, "By the look of that machine, it has ran out of fuel, or the engine has gone berserk!"

Dr. Robotnik replied, "I definitely refilled the machine, so that means my engine has gone berserk?"

"Exactly."

He opened a hatch to reveal the engine. Thousands of wires linking together to form the most complex system.

Harry began to notice that the blue mechanic has five blue thorny spikes down his back. He also noticed the red and white sneakers he's wearing. Suddenly, he knew who the blue mechanic was. He was SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IN DISGUISE!!!!!!

Sonic began to jumble up the wires and sometimes, he even added CHILI DOGS inside.

"You can test it out, sir," Sonic said to Dr. Robotnik.

"Well then, SSSSS SQUAD (Super Sonic Special Search and Smash Squad)! We continue our search!"

The plump villain closed his hatch and after a moment of silence, then...

"AAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!" Now the engine has REALLY GONE BERSERK!"

The transport lifted itself into the air, and did 360s, looped, rolled and all sorts of stuff. Then the mechanic took out a steel bar and threw it into a turbofan that was on engine. The turbofan jammed and the engine exploded causing it to roll downwards spinning and looping into its doom below.

It was that when Dr. Robotnik knew who the blue mechanic was.

"I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!!!!"

A loud explosion could be heard at 20,000 feet above the ground.

Afterwards Harry and the gang continued their Pogo-Wogo journey on that hard-to-pass bridge. The bridge shook more violently and the gang concentrated so much in balancing their pogo sticks, they forgot about the part of the bridge that was burning...

"AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"

The bridge ripped beneath the springs of the of pogo sticks. Then they fell down spring-first onto the canyon ground below. They thought they were about to die when suddenly the springs bounced of the floor and they flew into the air.

"OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Harry as his pogo stick almost touched the clouds. 

"LEAN FORWARD!!!!" Dumbledore ordered.

They all did that and they were traveling forwards in the air.

"PUT YOURSELVES IN UPRIGHT POSITION!!!"

Then they saw the ground. But they cannot keep control of their pogo sticks and they tumbled on the ground.

"URGH!! Our pogo sticks are damaged!" said Remus lifting his bent transport, "We can never make it there without any fast transport."

Hermione stood up seeing the world going up and down even though she was not on a pogo stick. Dumbledore got up and saw a beach. 

"A beach? What is that signboard?"

He pointed at the signboard which read...

WELCOME TO SUNNY MIAMI, FLORIDA!!!!!!!

"IT'S HERE!!!!! THIS IS MIAMI!!!!! WE'RE HERE!!!!!!!!" 

They all danced around singing the Teletubbies song. And then the people on the beach stared at the gang. Dumbledore cast the Mass-Memory Charm on the sunbathing Muggles and then they put on the Invisibilty Cloak.

"Okay," Dumbledore said. "Plan 1: To infiltrate Florida, successful. Now, get ready for Plan 2: Find the Voldie."

A/N: Again, I will never watch Sonic the Hedgehog ever again. 

NEXT ON MARAUDERS' BUTT 2: Where is Lord Voldemort? Even if they find out the answer, how do they get there? 


	10. The Space Asylum

A/N: Yes, yes. I know. In Chapter 9 there were a few mistakes. Now in this chapter my Insanity Degree has jolted up a little bit more. So every chapter onwards will be insane. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Watch out for my most hilarious chapter that I have planned since Chapter 3! (I think). IT'S DRAWING EVER CLOSER ISN'T IT? I think it's the next chapter. Now how will Harry and the gang find Voldie who is locked up in the very secret, _SECRET_,** SECRET,** _**SECRET**_, **SECRET, _SECRET_** organization of the SPACE ASYLUM? Find out here.

INSANITY DEGREE: 225.098

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J. K. Rowling. And again Teletubbies don't belong to me.

_**Chapter 10**_

_**The Space Asylum**_

The gang walked along the road. They must find out where Voldemort is.

"I can't be sure where it is but he must be here somewhere," said Dumbledore already having motion sickness because of the pogo stick journey.

They continued going up the beach when suddenly they heard a scream and saw smoke from a mountain.

_ At the Space Asylum..._

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!"

"YAHOO!!!!!"

"I told you not to give him another bottle sun lotion!!!!! Now look!!!!! Another FIRE is made!!!!!"

_ Back at the Miami beach..._

"HEY!!! That 'yahoo' sounded more like Voldie's insane voice," said McGonagall.

"IT IS!!!!! IT'S LORD VOLDEMORT!!! HE'S UP THERE!!!!!," shouted Remus with joy.

"WE FOUND HIM!!!" said everybody and they sang the Teletubbies song again as they walked towards the mountain. After some hiking at the hill range they were starting to get tired. 

"How much longer?" said Hermione.

"We are almost at the foot of the mountain," replied Dumbledore.

"I bet that word 'almost' means a 100 miles," whispered Sirius to Harry.

Then they heard a hiss. They turned back and they saw a huge, dangerous looking SNAKE!!!!

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"

They zoomed as fast as they're feet could take them. They looked back to see if the snake is chasing them and BANG!!!!

They got up and saw what they hit into. It was the mountain!!!!! They still were worried whether the snake was chasing them when suddenly they realized that the snake could not see them. They were under the Invisibility Cloak!!!!!

"We found the mountain. Now what?" said Ron. 

"Guess we have to climb the mountain," replied Dumbledore.

They were about to start their most tiring leg of the journey when suddenly they saw two doors which to open it, you must slide it apart. 

"Hmmm....what do we have here!" said McGonagall.

They approached the doors and tried to open it but failed.

"Look!!! A password panel," said Hermione.

They stared at the panel that had letters and numbers on it. It even had complicated symbols on it.

"I have no idea what the password is," said Harry staring at the panel.

"I KNOW!!!" shouted Sirius as he pulled down his pants and.....(A/N: You know what will happen)

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!" And Hermione fainted *bang*.

Sirius faced the Butt at the panel. He drew his wand out and tapped on the Butt 5 short taps and 3 long taps. POOF!!!! Sulfur gas shot out from the you-know-what. The password panel then beeped. It beeped again and again and again gradually getting faster every time and CRASH!!! The panel broke. Then the doors slid open. IT WAS AN ELEVATOR!!!!

Then Hermione woke up....at an inconvenient time. Dumbledore stuffed another Anti-Faint pill in her mouth.

"Now let me see," said Dumbledore and pulled down a lever.

The doors slid shut and then they heard a booming voice from a speaker.

"BOOSTER ROCKETS ACTIVATING!!!!" 

"Booster rock..." said all of them but it was too late.

The elevator shot up the mountain faster than a space shuttle. The gang were all glued to the floor by the force. They could not even scream. Suddenly the elevator, stopped and the gang banged to the ceiling and back down again. All of them saw stars.

The doors opened as they got up. They walked through a corridor and saw a sign that said...

_**WELCOME TO THE SPACE ASYLUM!!!!!!**_

"Space Asylum. Wonder why they called it like that?" questioned Ron.

They continued walking along the corridor when they saw a junction. They peeked at the path that leaded to the right of the junction and saw a guard carrying a futuristic gun. They peeked to the left and saw a guard putting a cylinder in his gun.

"Now let me test this out," said the guard. He then pulled the trigger and a laser shot out of the gun and hit the steel wall.

"That is very lethal," whispered Hermione, "One shot and you will be blasted into a thousand smithereens."

They gulped.

"I KNOW!!!!!" 

Sirius took out the Butt and tapped it twice. A bag of Dungbombs emerged from the 'ahem' part. He took out two and gave one to Harry. He then whispered the plan. The EVIL plan. They crept forward.

They then revealed themselves by letting go of the Invisibility Cloak and yelled BOO!!!!!

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!" screamed the guards with surprise and shock. 

Sirius and Harry threw their Dungbomb at their respective victim's mouth. The guards swallowed it and it exploded in their stomachs. And they fainted *bang*.

"Here's our reliable sources," said Sirius as they dragged the guards to a room.

The gang tied them on a board with ropes. Then Sirius took a huge bucket of greenish brownish slime and poured it over the guards. They then woke up with the slime oozing down their bodies. (A/N: I am really sick). 

"WHO ARE YOU??????" yelled the guards struggling to break free of the ropes.

"We are the SNOZZLING GNORES!!!!" said Harry in a creepy voice.

"No! We are the ROBUSTING STICKMEN!!!!!" said Dumbledore.

"NO! We are the HOOPING VOMPOSAURS!!!!!" said Ron.

"YOU ARE ALL WRONG!!!!! We are the CHOMPING CALABOBOS!!!!!" said McGonagall.

"NO NO NO!!!! WE ARE THE VENOMOUS ARITHCONQUES!!!!" said Hermione.

"YOU IDIOTS!!! WE ARE THE SQUEEZING OOZE-JELLIES!!!!!" said Remus. 

"NO!!! WE ARE THE SEXY MANIACS!!!!!" said Sirius.

All of them stared at him.

"Hey! I can't make up other names than that!" said Sirius.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!!" said one guard looking terrified. 

"We want to know where Voldemort is!"

"Who is Voldemort?"

"A really insane man that has a really, really bald head."

"Oh!!! That alien!"

"That alien?"

"He is a femicadron."

"Femicadron?"

The guard sighed.

"So where is he?"

"I can't tell you. It is against the rules of the Space Asylum."

"FINE THEN!!!! Guess the only way to make you tell us is..."

Remus took out a plate and Sirius took out a fork and a spoon. They then tossed earmuffs at Harry and the gang. 

"Wear them. Because it's gonna be a really nasty torture!!!!" said Remus and he screeched the fork and spoon on the plate.

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!! STOP THAT NOISE!!!!! IT'S KILLING ME!!!!!!" yelled the guards. 

"Then tell us where Voldie is," said Sirius.

"IT'S AGAINST THE LAWS!!!!!!" yelled both guards trying to stand their eardrums from bursting. 

"LOUDER!!!!!" said Sirius.

Remus then screeched the plate louder and the terrible sound filled the air. 

"TELL US!!!!!!"

"CAN'T TELL!!!!!"

Remus stopped and said to Sirius, "It's not working."

Then Sirius got another idea. He took out 2 feathers from his pocket and gave one to Hermione and one to Ron. They already knew what to do.

"STOP THAT!!!!! THAT TICKLES!!!!! HOOOHOOOO HAHAHAHAHA WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" yelled the guards as the feathers tickled their feet. 

"FASTER!!!!!!" ordered Sirius.

Ron and Hermione tickled the guard's feet at a fast speed.

"WHOWHOWHOWHOWHOOOOO!!!! YAHAHAHAHA!!!! YOW!!!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!! ALALALALALALALALLA!!!!!"

"TELL US!!!!!!!"

"CAN'T TELL!!!!! TOO RISKY!!!!! YAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! WOOOPPPOOOOWOOOP!!!!!!"

Hermione and Ron stopped tickling. 

"It won't work!"

"I KNOW!!!!!!"

Sirius took out the Butt and then gave surgical masks *Darth Vader breathing sound* to the others EXCEPT (of course) the guards. Sirius then tapped the Butt with his wand thrice and green gas shot out of the Butt.

"PPPPPEEEWWWWW!!!! WHAT A STINK!!!!!!!! STOP THAT!!! IT IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!!"

And then the guards puked.

"TELL US THEN!!!!!"

"TOO RISKY!!!!!"

Sirius stopped the fart.

"It still is not working!"

"I KNOW!!!!!"

Remus grabbed the Butt and tapped it with his wand 8 short taps and 1 long tap. Then a highly pressurized stream of brown muck shot out from the Butt. Remus then rotated the Butt from one guard to the other guard and back at the first guard again so they can both experience it.

"Stop *gurgle* it *gurgle* you *spit* *gurgle* *censor* *censor* *censor* *censor* *censor* *censor*

Red Scar: CUT!!!!! You censoring technicians!!!! Censor only that swear word!!! Not the other words!!!

Censoring technician 1: What!!!! You told us to censor the swear words! So we censor them!!!!

Censoring technician 2: DUH!!!!

Red Scar: 'Aliens that are extremely torturous' are not swear words.

Censoring technician 1 and 2 : OF COURSE THEY ARE!!!! *giggle*.

Red Scar: I know that giggle!!! YOU ARE FRED AND GEORGE AGAIN!!!!! I told you to go to that studio. BUT NO!!! Instead you took over the censoring panel!!!!

Fred and George: BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!!

Red Scar (whose face is very angry now): _**GO!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Fred and George: I want my Mummy. *walks out of the studio with gloom*.

"It is not working," remarked Sirius after the guards did not tell after 1 hour of being tortured by several torturous machines, "We have tried from grinders to grounders, squeezers to squashers and crushers to crashers but still NOTHING would work!"

"HEY!!! I KNOW!!!!" said Harry.

Harry took out a huge coffin from his tiny little pocket. He put it on the floor and opened. Everybody screamed when they saw it. It was a pair of...

"NIKE SHOES!!!!!!!!!!" yelled the guards, "TAKE IT AWAY!!!!!!!!!"

_On the surface of the Moon..._

2 astronauts named Doohickey Donkey and Whatchamacallit Walrus landed on the Moon to get rock samples. 

"I see a nice rock sample here," said Doohickey as he picked it up.

"WAIT!!! I am hearing voices here. It sounds like somebody screaming in horror. I think it's saying...NIKE SHOES!!!!!!!!" yelled Whatchamacallit.

Both astronauts jumped and ran around screaming at the top of their lungs.

_Back at the Space Asylum..._

"TAKE IT AWAY!!!!!!!"

"UNTIL YOU TELL US!!!" threatened Harry.

"OK!!!!!"

"See! I told you my plan would work," said Harry.

"That-that-that alien is in-in-in-in cell c-c-cell W s-s-s-seventeen s-s-s-sir," said the guards afraid of the Nike shoes. 

"Where is this cell W17?"

"It is at the top-most floor at cell-group W at the end of the right wing, sir.'

"Well we got all we need," said Harry closing the large coffin and stuffing it in his teensy-weensy pocket.

"WAIT!!!" said Remus as they were about to set the guards free, "We cannot trust you. What if the cell is wrong. You may lead us to a trap. And if we set you free, you will tell your boss."

Remus took out a larger coffin from the collar of his shirt and opened it. And there laid a...

"TELEVISION!!! Just what I need. I need to watch the Drew Carey Show now!" said one of the guards with delight.

"But it's not just any show," said Remus smiling and he took out a VCR and a video tape from his pocket.

He inserted the video tape in the VCR and pressed a button called the Loop button. It replays the show on the video tape again and again and again and it won't stop until you press the Stop button.

"Oh good! I hope it is an episode of the Drew Carey Show so I can watch it again and again and again." said a guard.

Remus then giggled then he pressed the Play button. And then the show that appeared on the TV was...

"Teletubbies, Teletubbies..."

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" yelled the guard, "NOT THE TELETUBBIES!!!!!!!" 

"Come. Let's go!" said Dumbledore as he put the Invisibility Cloak on all of them and opened the door. 

"Can I stay with them and watch the Teletubbies PLEASE?????" said Sirius in a baby voice with those goo-goo eyes. 

"No can do," said Dumbledore, "We must continue."

Sirius cried with tears in his eyes, "I WANT MY MUMMY!!!!!!!" And Sirius ended up being dragged by Dumbledore.

In the middle of walking along the corridor McGonagall said, "Now what do we have to get up to the top-most floor. Elevators? Escalators? Or...stairs."

They all saw a flight of stairs in front of them. 

"How many floors are there in this building?" asked Hermione.

"Hmmm..." Dumbledore then drew his wand from his pocket and made it touch the wall, "....I'm getting something....9...."

"That's not so bad."

"...6...96 floors"

All of them gazed in horror. They had to walk up the stairs to the 96th floor. They then started to climb up the stairs. They passed many doors at each landing which tells them the floor. As they passed the door labeled 30 (which means they were at the 30th floor) they heard footsteps coming down the stairs. 

Sirius took the Butt out and tapped it using his wand 6 short taps 4 long taps. Then they heard a thud. An invisible Dungbomb came out from the you-know-what. Sirius put it on one of the steps of the stairs just as a guard walked down the stairs carrying a gun. 

"Down base 45 all clear," said the guard to his two-way radio, "150-Gordo projected at Cell Group S and D6 is clear. Up base 25 at inspection. The Voklodron at cell G8 is restrained and Centre Base 2..."

The guard stepped on the invisible Dungbomb and it exploded. The guard fainted *bang*.

Harry and the gang proceeded. And when they passed 48th floor there was a dead end. 

"Now what? We are still only half-way up and there is a dead end!" asked Ron.

"Hmmm...." Sirius took out the Butt and used his wand to tap it 9 short times. Then the Butt turned light green in colour (Hermione fainted *bang* because the Anti-Faint pill did not work). After a while the word 'ANALYZING...' appeared on the Butt. Then a map of the 60 feet radius was written on the Butt. The gang stared at it.

"THERE! Do you see that thing there. That is another flight of stairs. All we have to do is to go straight until we see a junction and then turn left and we are at the stairs," said Sirius pointing at the map, "Let's go."

At that time Hermione woke up. They all opened the door. And they found 5 guards talking to each other at the end of the corridor. 

"I got an idea," said Harry and he took out 5 Dr. Filibuster's No Heat Wet-Start Fireworks and lighted them up.

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!" yelled the guards as they saw the fireworks flying at them. Then it exploded at their faces (OUCH). Then the gang proceeded (A/N: From now on, I will call them the gang.)

They moved forward until they saw a junction. They turned left and saw another flight of steps. They climbed up the steps. After a very tiring climb they made it at the 96th floor. They celebrated by singing the Teletubbies song.

"Now what?" said Ron.

Sirius looked at the Butt that now was a "map".

"All we have to do is go here and turn here in this corridor turn to left base over here to the right..."

All of them looked at him.

"FINE!!! JUST FOLLOW THIS THING!!!!"

They opened Door 96 and the corridor was actually a bridge. A narrow bridge with NO railings. And another bad thing was, the bridge was suspended over a long, LONG, **LONG_, LONG _**drop. The gang were in a large chamber. A sign read:

_**WELCOME TO INTERCROSS-CHAMBER B!!!!!**_

"Intercross-Chamber B?" said Ron.

"This is maybe the chamber that is located at this section which is called Section B," replied Hermione.

"WAIT!!! How do we know where Voldemort is?" asked Harry.

"Hmmm....the Butt map of course," said Sirius, "SHUSH! A guard is coming." 

A guard appeared at the end of the bridge. He was talking to his two-way radio about some Femicadron that suffered from diarrhea.

_At Cell W17..._

BLLLAAAARRRRRRTTTTT!!!!

"Oh no! He just released wet poo-poo!"

"Told ya not to give anymore of that Sun Lotion!"

_ At Intercross-Chamber B..._

Then Sirius took out the Butt and tapped it twice and threw the whole bag of Dungbombs at the guard.

BOOM!!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

The force of the explosion made the guard fall down the long drop. And a sickening thud filled the air. 

"WHO GOES THERE!!!!" said a guard on one of the floors nearby. 

"We may have intruders!" yelled a guard and took out his laser gun. The gang began to shake with anxiety until the Invisibility Cloak fell down and revealed the gang.

"THERE!!!!" yelled a guard pointing at the gang. He then released a laser and another laser and soon all the guards were shooting lasers from different places. 

While dodging the lasers, Remus managed to reach his bag that was full of grenades and blasted some of the guards. 

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!" they screamed as they joined the previous guard in the long drop.

"Let's go."

They went under the Invisibility Cloak again and crossed the narrow bridge.

After several more of these Intercross-Chambers and guard blasting (AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!), they reached...

"INTERCROSS-CHAMBER W!!! HOORAY!!!"

They reached a three-way crossroad. One leads back to Intercross-Chamber V, which was where they just blasted some robots, another leading to Intercross-Chamber X, which is the next and one leading to Cell Group W.

"NOW WHERE?!" Ron asked.

Suddenly, a group of men, wearing janitor clothes, rushed to another path.

"ALIEN POO CLEANERS ARE HERE!!!!!" 

Dumbledore smiled, "That way."

They walked on to a door. McGonagall looked through the keyhole.

"There are more guards in this group than any other!" 

"TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!!!"

Remus pointed to an air vent just beside the door to Cell Group W.

"This leads directly to the Cell Group W!"

Sirius smirked and placed the Butt near the air vent. Tapped it three times and gas shot out of it into the vent.

"P U! John, you've farted again!"

"No I haven't!"

"Yes, you did! And it's worse! I'm going to the bathroom."

"Me too!" They heard a door slam.

"Perfect." Sirius took out the Butt. "Just as I predicted."

They opened the door. There was a long corridor with doors on each side. As you know, houses are placed according to numbers. On a straight road, odd-numbered houses are located on one side while all even-numbered houses are placed on the other. That was the same with the cells. Since Voldemort's cell was odd-numbered, they just have to search at the odd-numbered side only.

"9...11...13...15...17!!!!"

They looked at the door with the number 17 painted on it.

"HOORAY!!" They sang the Teletubbies song once more.

Dumbledore took out his wand and said, "Be cautious from now onwards. Sirius, always have the Butt ready. The rest, gets your wands out."

He opened the door.

A/N: There. End of my chappie! Phew! Anywayz, thanks Jiann Meng for that reclassification of my Insanity Degree and Dark Moon, for your support. 

NEXT ON MARAUDERS' BUTT 2: What's behind door no. 17? Find out Dumbledore's passion and the mystery behind Cell W17!

"


	11. The Black Hole

A/N: How was my previous chap. Hilarious? Well take this then!!!! This is the one that I have been planning and now it's here!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! The most hilarious chap!!!!!!! Now here is the preview. What's behind Door W17? How are they gonna get into Dr. Inn's office? FIND OUT HERE!!!!!! This is gonna be a long chapter. So be patient while reading. I got this new Insanity Degree Meter, thanks to BluePrint here (she is just as insane as I am.) If you haven't been reading her fics, when it blinks red, it means that I am not erm normal, so I could go for my regular checkup at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. I can't believe it! ENGLAND LOST TO BRAZIL!!! These FIFA World Cup matches are getting worse. Wow, look. A HAMMER!! It's made of like, stone and like, metal and like, wood and like, why is it made out of stone? Maybe I could bash up some Brazilian heads. *Insanity Degree Meter blinks red*

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J. K. Rowling. X-ATM092 belongs to the game Final Fantasy VIII which was created by SQUARESOFT. Insanity Degree Meters belong to BluePrint.

INSANITY DEGREE: 368.999 (At the highest peak because this is the most hilarious chap)

_**Chapter 11**_

_**The Black Hole**_

When Dumbledore fully opened the door there was a long damp corridor. It was very dark. 

"LUMOS!!!!" 

Hermione's wand ignited and the tunnel could be seen clearly. They went along the tunnel and found a scarlet red box. Dumbledore grabbed Hermione's ignited wand and read the carvings. 

"Ah! YES!!! Just what we need!!!!!" Dumbledore picked it up and put it in his pocket.

They continued the journey and kept on talking about what was at the end of the tunnel when suddenly...

"WATCH YOUR STEP!!!!!" yelled Remus and all of them stopped.

What was in front of them was a huge, large, wide pit. The pit was so deep that they could not see the bottom. The pit was located in an extremely tall chamber. 

"WHOA!!!! What is this?" said Ron looking down at the pit. Then he saw a door at the other side of the pit. It was at a cliff.

"I think we have to get there."

"How can we cross this?"

"WAIT!!!! Sirius, look at the Butt map first! See what is says," said Remus.

"Hmmm...." Sirius looked at the Butt, "It says this place is called the "Black Hole". On the other side of it is Dr. Inn's office."

He then tapped his wand on the place labeled the Black Hole. He then read it out aloud:

_This pit acts as a bottomless pit. It is used as a death punishment for aliens in the Space Asylum. When one falls into the Black Hole he will fall forever and ever and never stop. The pit will then close on him until it he cannot move but still slides down the pit. Everything will turn hot and will have a feeling of electrocution. Then he will petrify into stone and break apart. But still he can see the world moving as he slides down the Black Hole. He cannot die. Even if he lives to be a thousand years old he will not die. He will be falling forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and...._

"STOP IT!!!!!" Hermione yelled.Her voice echoed around the chamber, "How are we gonna get past this Black Hole?"

"This of course!!!!" said Dumbledore pointing at a lever. He then pulled it down. Silence.

"Nothing is happening here," said Hermione in a frustrated expression. 

Then they heard whooshing sounds. Suddenly platforms shot out from the pit and hung in various heights. Some spun around and some had springs attached to it. Even logs and metal beams shot out. But the strangest was the gray vortices that swirled in mid air. Finally everything came to a stop. Some still rotated. 

"Still, the length between platform to platform is very long!!!" said Ron. 

"This of course!!!!" said Dumbledore holding up the scarlet box. 

He opened it and there laid...

"A remote control?" said Hermione.

"Remote control?" asked Ron.

"Really! YOU NEED TO TAKE UP MUGGLE STUDIES!!!!" said Hermione.

On the remote control was two buttons. One was red and the other was blue. The red button was labeled Summon and the blue button was Banish. Dumbledore pressed the red button. Silence. 

"Nuthin's HAPPENIN'," said Hermione in a really, really frustrated voice.

Then suddenly a beep was heard. Then a sound of a gigantic robot followed it. It seemed to be getting louder. The ground shook. The sound of heavy legs filled the air. Suddenly....

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"

A huge robot that looked like a spider (Ron gulped) (except that it only had 4 legs instead of 8) crashed through the brick wall and landed in front of the gang. It's pincers were jutting towards each other instead of downwards. It then moved its legs and steam came out. 

"It's ATTACKING us!!!!!!" yelled Harry with fright.

Then the robot bent its legs as if it was about to pounce on them but came to a rest. It then stopped its aggressiveness. 

"Meet X-ATM092!!!!" said Dumbledore patting the metal body of the large object.

"Hey!!!! You play Final Fantasy VIII?" asked Hermione.

"Of course!!! Don't think wizards and witches are not allowed to play PlayStation!!!!" replied Dumbledore.

"I thought they were!!"

"If they were then how did you know about Final Fantasy VIII?"

"Er...erm....never mind."

Dumbledore giggled. 

"Now let me see with this," said Dumbledore as he took out a notepad and a quill.

He then stared at the platforms and started scribbling equations down his notepad. He checked the wind speed, temperature and humidity and calculated them in a very complicated way.

"NC2+G89 over 2 / 3 l64 -T55 584+669-SEXY*585 A5-/-E6`Ad`CUCKOO~F6`GF6," said Dumbledore scribbling more notes down, "+H6 negative over DUMBER 36545*65`6`5`G6-/-55468( O--[ ZF5(Y76){ +*/``:-) A4168}H7]0)."

Then he checked the people's height and looked into their tongues. He then continued scribbling more equations in his notepad. 

"5.5 Ph facial wipes. Over234 -97890++*++#########9076A'/(7976````7897````7987``)Bbhg8976 +*09(865) + BLUE +ITE345 RONALD WEASLEY IS DUMB with weapons 5435``456~HG Wells 098*+///4*5983//~80~`~`~768. OH456 888 ```7584Ho0--)(-- (corner kick) OVER 135 {midfield} vortex]Afgh789 (Owen at penalty box) H67837 David Beckham kicks [jhk879+=86===} }] GOAL!! (cheer) 78G58/``876``` fly left ``576572366++-*/+-*/+-*/Remus [leg] 456HRT Status-junction "

Then Dumbledore took a beaker and took a sample of everyone's saliva and mixed it with some other chemicals. He took a small piece out of X-ATM092's metal body and stirred it with the chemicals. 

"Ah!" said Dumbledore and calculated some other mathematical equations and scribbled more notes.

"COMPATIBLE H5656/3*+-8+*`+`6 Sirius [weapon] 678 *HK2465g*8df+*g/f+g8--`/*8/`8`9+8-`4tkyr Harry to with ;e.g. 576565776 (H6) /*-+/*-+``As -- Hermione (leg) [H8]{Gother shot} A5^86^^^&`^MCGONAGALL 65369+-584*9*89/55+565466NMhgty`vugB**+s Mighty ******* at @ GOthic/KO/ (damage) 60+9868/*hjk* {end} [land point] 6945+6847`9`84`5`7=nkHo=(Gothic)= 6536A``` (safe). DONE!!!!!!!"

He showed the notepad scribbled with complicated graphs and charts and equations all over it. All of them looked at it with confusion. 

"Now the plan of how we will get there is all right here. But it is too complicated to be told now. Now the X-ATM092 has 5 controlling cabins. One on each 'knee' of the leg and one at the head. Each leg cabin controls its leg. The front cabin has three seats. One for the weapon controller, one for the co-weapon controller and one for the commander. I will be the commander since I have the plan to get to the other side."

"Of course. He is the smarty-pants," whispered McGonagall to Harry.

"Now! Ron, Hermione, you take the front two legs," ordered Dumbledore.

Ron took the front-left leg and Hermione took the front-right leg.

"Remus, Harry, you will take the back legs."

Remus took the back-left leg and Harry took the back-right leg. 

"McGonagall will be the weapon controller and Sirius will be the co-weapon controller."

All of them climbed up their respective ladders and went into their cabins. They then closed the hatch. Harry, Hermione, Ron and Remus stared at their leg controls. There was a joy stick and a few coloured buttons. The worst thing was that there were no labels!

"Now," explained Dumbledore to Sirius and McGonagall, "X-ATM092's weapons are its pincers, its belly and its back. The attacks are Clash which is caused by lunging its pincers forwards to knock the opponent, Arm Crush which uses its pincers as arms and squeezes the opponent, Ray Bomb which releases out powerful bombs and its special attacks, Backwards Ray Bomb which releases it from the back instead of the front, Electric Belly which if belly makes contact with opponent he will be fried. GOT IT!!!!"

"Ok," replied McGonagall. But actually she was confused. The buttons too had no labels.

"Now..." said Dumbledore but was interrupted by a frequent crashing sound. He looked back and saw Remus' leg going up and down and up and down.

"Stop manipulating your leg," said Dumbledore to Remus who kept on pressing the orange button.

"I'm not moving my leg, sir."

"NO!!! Not your leg!!! The robot's leg!!!'

"Oh! But it is so fun going up and down!!! WEEEEE!!!!!"

Dumbledore sighed, "Never mind! Now lets test it out!"

Harry and Hermione did not know what to press so they pressed the yellow button. Then the legs made an explosion causing it to blast the right side of the robot off the ground. The whole thing tilted and Hermione screamed. Harry who was so shocked twirled his joystick causing 'his' leg to twirl around in the air. Luckily, that made the robot fall back to its original position before it overturned.

"That was close!' said Ron with relief.

"OK!!! Fasten your seat belts. Now let's go! MOVE IT!!!!" said Dumbledore.

But all of the 'leg people' did not know what to do to move it forwards so they coincidentally thought of the same thing...press the yellow button.

BOOM!!!

The robot blasted off into the air and fell into the pit. But luckily it landed on a platform. It then swirled up until it was the top of the chamber. Then a siren sounded. A hundred small jets flew out from the pit shooting bullets at the robot.

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!"

All the leg people, who were so shocked, twiddled with joystick and pressed some buttons causing it to go chaotic. It twisted and turned on its legs making the passengers to go sick. McGonagall who was extremely shocked at the situation where all the jets were shooting at them, pressed the purple button. 

But the button was for Clash so the spider lunged forward and it fell off the platform.

"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!"

The spider rolled upside down and right side up again and luckily it landed on another platform. The shocked leg people pressed the buttons and twirled their joysticks causing it to loop here, spin there and roll up and fly down. Remus then continued his fun up and down ride. Eventually, all the movement caused the robot to miss all the bullets. 

"OK! STOP! THIS IS NOT THE WAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!" screamed Dumbledore as Sirius pressed the Clash button and it lunged forward and out of that platform. 

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!!!!"

The robot landed on a spring platform and it bounced forwards. McGonagall, who was so shocked, aimlessly pressed and held a red button and a stream of Ray Bombs shot out from the back. Some unlucky jets who were chasing after the robot flew straight into the stream and exploded. 

X-ATM092 then landed on a steel beam and slid downwards and crashed a plane that was taking the front shooting bullets. It landed on a spinning log.

"OK!!!! NOW HARRY!!! LIFT UP YOUR LEG!!!!" commanded Dumbledore.

Harry lifted up his real leg until his feet could be seen through the windscreen. 

"Not that LEG!!!! THE ROBOT'S LEG!!!!!!!"

All the other leg people who thought Dumbledore was talking to them immediately pressed the yellow button. All the legs except Harry's one lifted and the robot was balancing on 1 leg on the spinning log. Harry who was also shocked twirled the joystick and the whole thing was twirling like a ballet dancer. But the spinning also helped. The spider crashed some planes. 

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!! Um, this I guess!!!!!" shouted McGonagall to Sirius as she pressed a pink button. Ray Bombs shot out from the mouth and, by the spinning, caused the ammunition to fly everywhere. Blasting some more jets. 

Finally the ballet dancer stunt began to slow down and they fell from the log. 

"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" 

The robot rolled and crashed some more jets. It slid up a steel beam and flew into a vortex. It was then shot out of the vortex at an incredible speed. But it was still spinning. And the leg people who were EXTREMELY shocked twirled their joysticks and the spinning legs managed to smash some jets. Then it landed on a moving platform. 

"OK!!! NO MORE NONSENSE!!!! WE MUST GO ACCORDING TO PLAN!!!!!" yelled Dumbledore. 

Then Dumbledore saw a jet zooming towards its front. 

"OK!!!! ARM CRUSH IT!!!!!" 

Sirius and McGonagall looked at their controls. They guessed it was the green button so they slammed it. It was the Arm Crush button but the leg people who were shocked pressed the yellow button and..... 

BOOM!!!!! 

The spider shot up in the air and, accidentally, Arm Crushed another jet which was flying overhead. And then the spider fell down back onto the platform and smashed the jet that was intended to be Arm Crushed. The leg people that were absent-minded coincidentally pressed a purple button and the whole robot crouched down and pounced off the platform. 

"ARGH!!!!! NO MORE NONSENSE!!!!!!" yelled Dumbledore as the spider fell down into a platform that swirled up. Right into a vortex. The robot then shot out once more. And when they could not see anymore platforms but the pit, they saw a platform and landed straight on it. All the jets made a huge swerve and started shooting at it. 

Then a jet was flying towards it but hit the platform and the pilot flew out of the plane. Remus, who snatched the chance to continue his up-and-down ride, kept on pressing the orange button. Accidentally, pilot slid right under the moving SHARP leg and.... 

SPLAT!!!!! 

The sharp leg drove through the pilot's body. Blood could be seen on the windscreen of Remus' cabin. 

"OOOOHHHH!!! NICE!!!!!" Remus said continuing his ride. 

X-ATM092 now looked more like a crazy dancer than a war robot. Dents caused by the jet's bullets were everywhere on the robot. But then a new weapon was yet to be released from the jets. 

"MISSILES!!!!!!" yelled Dumbledore as the jets released green rockets, "USE CLASH!!!!!!!" 

But McGonagall and Sirius were frozen with shock. The leg people ,who were shocked too, moved the joystick back and forth and the robot lunged out of the platform and landed on a ball that moved on rails. 

"MOVE YOUR LEGS!!!!! NOT YOUR LEGS, THE ROBOT'S LEGS!!!!!" 

The leg people simply twiddled with the joystick and the robot managed to keep on the ball as it slid down to the end of the rails. It then catapulted the robot and it flew into the air and right into a huge high-speed vortex. 

"WWWWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" 

The robot in the vortex spun so fast that the passengers inside only could see blurs. The jets that shot bullets and missiles at the robot rebounded back at them because of the vortex. 

BOOM!!!!!!!!! 

A few more explosions were heard until the robot was shot out of the vortex, slid down and up a metal beam and landed on a platform which then twirled upwards and into the middle of the chamber. 

"STOP!!!!!!" yelled Dumbledore, "THIS IS NOT STATED IN THE PLAN!!!!!!" 

But the sound of shooting bullets and roaring of jets and the banging of X-ATM092's legs drowned Dumbledore's voice. 

"UM!!!! UM!!!!" said Sirius with confusion as the whole robot made a vertical jump, "WHICH WEAPON!!!!" 

"DON'T USE A WEAPON YET!!!!!!" ordered Dumbledore. 

But it was too late. Sirius lunged for the purple button and the robot did a Clash on a plane before it fell off the platform as usual. It then landed on a log that swayed in the air. 

"OKAY!!! MOVE FORWARD AND JUMP SIDEWAYS TO THE BLOCK WHEN IT REACHES IT!!!!!" ordered Dumbledore. 

Then the robot 'danced' on the log. The leg people pressed a series of buttons and twirled the joysticks with shock and terror. The jets all went towards the robot and kept on releasing hails of bullets. The robot was extremely dented. And then a jet landed on the log and the pilot came out with a grenades. 

"OH NO!!!!!!" 

The pilot went under it and started to throw the bombs at the robot's belly. The robot shook violently after blow after blow. 

Then, McGonagall and Sirius was so shocked by the shaking that they accidentally pressed the blue button. And that button was the Electric Belly button. Sparks of electricity came out from the belly. 

The leg people who saw the blue sparks thought that the robot was about to explode. So, they all coincidentally pressed a dark-brown button. Then the robot's legs crouched and the belly electrocuted the pilot and the plane and blood spluttered on the leg cabin's windscreen. 

"GROSS!!!!!!" said Hermione seeing the blood. 

Remus then continued his up-and-down ride. Then the leg people all twirled their joysticks and the robot fell down. 

"STOP IT!!!! NO MORE FALLING!!!!!" yelled Dumbledore as X-ATM092 rolled downwards. 

Luckily (A/N: The gang are so lucky huh?) it landed on a metal block. Then five platforms swirled downwards and stopped nearby the block. Then the robot continued its dance. 

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!" yelled Dumbledore as the robot jumped upside down, "THIS IS NOT THE PLAN!!!!! YOU MISSED ALL THE TURNS!!!!!" 

Then, the robot started making more complicated swerves and every now and then the spider would almost fall off the block but thanks to some crazy button pressing and joystick twirling, the robot climbed back on the block. Suddenly... 

"AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!" 

A hatch from the side of the block opened and snipers came out with rifles. They then started shooting bullets at the robot. Harry who just saw a bullet hit the window pressed a crimson button and the robot rocketed into the top of the chamber, hit the ceiling and slammed into another platform. 

"OUT BASE 45!!!! OUT BASE 45!!!!!" yelled a jet pilot maneuvering his jet into the pilot and released 2 missiles. 

The leg people who saw the missiles immediately pressed the yellow button and the robot jumped, missing the missiles which shot 2 other jets. 

Then, hatches started opening from other blocks. Some even from the logs. Then snipers came out and aimed their rifles at the dancing robot. After 60 barrels of bullets (which some missed and some hit), the snipers took a yellow cylinder and attached it to their rifles. When they pulled the trigger, balls of electricity came out of the rifles at high speed. 

"YIKES!!!! PULLOVER TO THE RIGHT!!!!!" said Dumbledore calculating more equations in his notepad as quick as lightning. Balls of electricity all zoomed at the robot. But because of the dancing only a few hit X-ATM092. The others...well...hit the jets. 

The weapon people (Sirius and McGonagall) were so shocked that they pressed all the buttons at once doing the strangest movements ever. Then the leg people accidentally pulled the robot to a loop and a roll at the same time. The weapon people who became more shocked discovered a small drawer at the panel. 

"HEY!!!! LOOK AT THIS!!!" shouted McGonagall as she pulled the drawer. 

Out came a joystick with a button on top of it. She pressed it and a stream of fire shot out of the mouth of X-ATM092. 

"COOL!!!" remarked Sirius. 

McGonagall turned the joystick and the stream changed direction. She controlled the fire-streamers and incinerated some jets. 

"SIRIUS!!! Control the other weapons!!!! This is for **ME!!!!!!!**" 

"But I wanna control that!!!!!" 

"FOLLOW WHAT **I **SAY!!!! DOGGIE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" 

Sirius' eyes then filled with tears. After some incinerating of jets. The robot became more chaotic. The leg people became more shocked and oblivious. Sirius simply pressed all the buttons (which eventually did attack a lot of jets), McGonagall controlling the fire-streamers (WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!) and Dumbledore **TRYING **to command the controllers. 

Then, a voice came out from the speakers of the robot. "ROBOT MALFUNCTIONED. PLEASE WAIT UNTIL IT REPAIRS ITSELF." 

After the message, the robot settled itself down and repaired. Now, they were in a critical position. The snipers shot out the electric balls with ease. And the jets got the chance to shoot bullets at them. 

"AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!! MISSILES!!!!" 

A jet swooped down and released 5 missiles. The missiles hit the underside of the robot and the impact caused X-ATM092 to fly off the platform, loop upside down, grind down a steel beam and land on another platform. 

Suddenly, Harry got an idea. He took out his coffin, opened it and took out the Nike shoes. The other passengers on X-ATM092 sniffed and then looked back. Then they screamed. Harry took out Dudley's tiny remote control helicopter and stuffed it in one Nike shoe. Then Harry took out the remote control of the helicopter, opened his cabin hatch, activated the helicopter and threw it out. 

"OH NO!!! IT'S TRUE!!!!!" 

"THE NIKE SHOE FLIES!!!!!!" 

The jet pilots looked at the robot and saw a Nike shoe flying towards them. All the pilots screamed and maneuvered their jets out of the way. Harry then controlled the helicopter to fly towards a jet and when the shoe was near the jet, the jet exploded. Harry gasped and then made and evil grin. 

After a minute, 80 jets exploded. 

"RELEASE ATOMIC NUCLEAR BOMBS!!!!!" yelled a jet who was trying to avoid the Nike shoe from going into range. But then...it exploded. 

All the remaining jets released huge atomic nuclear bombs and blasted the flying shoe. 

"OH *censor*!!!" yelled Harry. 

"WE'RE THERE!!!" 

They looked where Dumbledore pointed. There was a cliff with a door. 

"YES!!!" Dumbledore then pressed a green button. "BOOSTER ROCKETS!!!" 

Rockets appeared at each side of the legs. But everyone was in such in a panic, that they twirled their joysticks and the robot turned into a lethal flying ballet dancer. It crashed some more planes and... 

CRASH!!! They opened their hatches and took a look. "WE DID IT!!!" They sang the Teletubbies song. 

"FREEZE!!!" They forgotten about the soldiers. The soldiers pointed their rifles at them. But, Dumbledore calmly pulled a hidden lever on the wall. 

All the platforms and logs fell back into the pit along with the soldiers on top of them and the vortices disappeared. 

They looked at the door. There was a keypad next to it. Remus immediately took out the Butt (Hermione fainted *bang*), tapped the sulfur fart sequence with his wand and then.... 

The Butt wobbled instead. Hermione who woke up at a most inconvenient time fainted *bang* after seeing the Butt wobble. Remus then put his ear to the Butt and started "listening" to the Butt's sayings. 

"What....Oh yes! But....Hmmmm....I just....Oh but.....Oh is it critical? Yes...but...I refilled....oh...and...yah...maybe I did but....oh...that time...yes...OK...and...yes...thanks." 

Remus said to Dumbledore, "The Butt ran out of sulfur. We will need to break the code manually." 

Sirius looked at the keypad. "Hey, Ron. I bet you a thousand Galleons the password is 911." 

Ron replied, "Bring it on, doggie." 

Sirius punched in the code. The doors opened. 

"Well, Ron? Where's the money?" 

Ron slammed his hand on the wall. "Oh, *censor*!" 

Dumbledore said, "No time for F words. Just follow me." 

A/N: Finished! I am sorry this took me so long, but since that stupid FanFiction.Net server hardware breakdown, I just have to wait. Oh, *censor*! *Insanity Degree Meter blinks red* 

NEXT ON MARAUDERS' BUTT 2: Dr. Inn D. Pink's real identity will be revealed. The battle that will determine the fate and destiny of the world's next generation will begin. WHO WILL SURVIVE? 


	12. Identities Revealed

A/N: Voldemort Strikes Back! Guess what? I have already began to plot my MARAUDERS' BUTT 3!!!!!!! Fantastic, isn't it? I'm sorry. If you are a Brazilian fan, I apologize. Anyway, to my story. AVADA KEDAVRA!!!! *zap* Wow! I killed that rat. Like I never! *points to pile of dead rats* *Insanity Degree Meter blinks red*

INSANITY DEGREE: 145.999 (boomed downwards)

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J. K. Rowling.

_**Chapter 12**_

_**Identities Revealed**_

Inside, computers were blinking and wires were in a complicated mess. All connected to a glass cage. Brown stuff was spluttered everywhere. Ron took his pair of tweezers and picked up a sample. "BROWN MUCK!!!" 

Hermione fainted *bang*.

"But wet." 

Sirius took the sample and sniffed it. Then, he licked it.

"Diarrhea!!!!" said Sirius smiling. 

A shadow emerged the darkness in the glass cage, revealing...

"VOLDIE!!!"

Voldemort turned around and made his large eye gesture. Then he screamed and ripped off his clothes. He jumped around punching himself and slapping his hard butt. Then he started licking his...well...private part and he made a louder scream. He then laughed hysterically and started saying swear words.

"WANNA HAVE THIS?" yelled Voldie.

He then let out a huge blast of diarrhea at the window. He then did somersaults letting out diarrhea at every direction.

"WET POO!!!!" yelled Hermione horrified after she woke up from her faint. She wobbled and then fainted *bang*.

Voldie then bounced around faster and faster until Voldie was only a blur. Then he stopped, staring at the gang. Suddenly, Voldemort screamed and pulled his eyeballs from his sockets and blood spluttered everywhere.

Hermione woke up...and fainted *bang* seeing the eyeless Voldie. Voldie then chewed on his eyeballs and swallowed it. And then eyeballs popped back in his sockets. The gang stared with horror. Then he released another 'horde' of diarrhea and the glass panels were filled with brown stuff until the whole cage was covered. Suddenly, red stuff started to splutter on the panel.

"BLOOD!!!!!" yelled Ron. Hermione woke up...and fainted *bang*.

"Hmmm....." Dumbledore scribbled some equations in his notepad.

"545546` (boot) link 546+-v v```~ 'nk) (s[d{HORDGO}]) 6LÇNâL§£î$ 9konk 56 `feet A# = Over= Pore=+-*/+-*/ Co-e (link) vert8 ({jut} encaustic) Horde3 (652á)=#=(¹90+ÜB×b»ºº) -- -- forward [inter] IN *** ^`~ acoustic OPE (fort [hot] incalt) C54% G65% A90% $1,000 to Jack and its a GOAL!!! 5.5 A see^~~ #+ +-*/+-*/ un. 


	13. The DEADLY Clash of the Titans

A/N: I'm BACK!!! Anywayz how are you? I hope you're turning insane just like me. This time, I will turn SANE for a moment. I know it seems impossible but maybe...

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belong to J. K. Rowling. Renzokuken and Terra Break belong to FFVIII which belongs to Squaresoft. Inc. Insanity degree meters belong to BluePrint. 

Insanity Degree: 2.35 (Blasted downwards by an atomic nuclear bomb that totally hit the economy down the well with all the bloody stuff and snot came shooting out of their eyes and.......+*Insanity Degree Meter blinks red*)

_**Chapter 13**_

_**The DEADLY Clash of the Titans**_

Inn D. Pink moved a few steps backwards and raised his hand. A purple cloud appeared beneath his feet and swirled to form to a huge portal, possibly from Hell. He moved his hand down and the portal glowed and out from it, came...

A beast of monstrous horns and purple body. Its red eyes glowed angrily towards the gang and its black wings flapped slowly. Its claws were razor-sharp. No legs were visible. There was no mouth, only a golden duck-bill.

By the look of the height (Give ya a hint, two thirds of the Washington Monument) and size, it was quite obvious it was the most dangerous beast anyone could have came across.

"Have you met my guardian, Marvellando?" Inn said as he patted the beast's head. "I haven't used it for quite a time now..."

Harry gulped. The beast looked EXTREMELY hungry. 

"ATTACK!!!!!" 

Marvellando, at the sound of the command, loomed over the gang. Sirius got ready his Light Element and stood in attacking position. 

Marverllando swooped down and attempted to scratch McGonagall. But her defense was unbelievable. At the last moment, she swung her light beam, thus blocking the attack. Dumbledore rushed forward and slashed at the enemy. Harry, Ron and Hermione instead went to the glass cage and cast the Reducto spell at vulnerable places. Voldemort wasn't helping. Herm was shot with brown muck 15 times. 

After Voldemort was free, Harry cast his Elemental Attack on the fiend. Getting the idea, every one of them, did their Elemental Attacks on Marvellando. McGonagall, of Earth, did her Terra Break. But of course, since the enemy was flying, it was pretty useless. Dumbledore, of Poison, did his Needle Attack. Whenever the fiend attacks, it will become weaker and weaker. 

"15 MINUTES TO SELF-DESTRUCT!!!!!" 

That was the sound of the detonator. Dumbledore wondered, this battle must have been really long. 

At last, it was hopeless. They seemed to be tired out and the beast wasn't sweating. 

That was, until Voldemort came in. He aimed his big, fat buttocks at the huge Marvellando and shot his diarrhea, thus blinding the beast. 

Now, it can't attack because...it can't aim properly. 

Dumbledore held his wand and golden flashes formed on the ground. He said the magic word...

RENZOKUKEN!!!!! 

Dumbledore rushed towards Marvellando and swerved his wand at the enemy. Sparks flew from the wand. Deafening sounds filled the room. He swung the wand upwards, downwards, to the right, to the left. It was as if he was using a sword. He made a swift diagonal slash before retreating. But that was not over yet.

DARK STAR!!!!!

Dumbledore quickly flew towards the fiend for his finishing blow. He swooped up and drew something in the air with his wand. A green smoke trailed his wand forming a strange symbol. It then turned red and Dumbledore used his wand and blasted the symbol downwards at a tremendous speed. It then formed into a large orb and crushed Marvellando.

At first, the beast was vibrating and all of the sudden, flashes of light burst out and it collapsed to the ground. The corpse disintegrated into dust and flew everywhere.

Inn was shocked when he saw his monster guardian died. "But it ain't over yet, fools! You haven't seen my Phoenix Guardian yet!"

"We're ready." 

At Dumbledore's answer, Inn waved his hand. Another purple portal appeared in the air, revealing a purple phoenix. Its body parts were purple from head to legs but its eyes...its eyes were a menacing green. It was Dark Phoenix.

Dumbledore whispered to Hermione, "I already taught you Elemental Attack, now it is time for you to learn your ELEMENTAL DEFENSE."

"Elemental Defense?" 

"Pretty simple actually. All you got to do is just think of the Star in the OPPOSITE position of the symbol."

Hermione closed her eyes and concentrated on the symbol. 

When she opened her eyes, out of her palms, came some watery stuff. The water twisted about and spread around the gang, forming a hemisphere of pure water surrounding them. 

The Dark Phoenix formed a Fire Ball and shot it towards them but when it hit the shield, it totally dissolved. 

Dumbledore then formed another portal of yellow and red. Out of it, came a Phoenix of golden colour and red eyes. He ordered, "Fawkes, go." 

Fawkes passed through the shield and faced its arch-enemy. 

Inn raised his hand. "ATTACK!!!!!!" 

At the same time, Dumbledore ordered his Phoenix, "ATTACK!!!" 

The two sped towards each other. When they met, a blinding flash appeared. 

Outside the building, it seemed like the end of the world as the two Titans clashed. Lightning flashed through the skies. The waves became more violent than usual. Earthquakes began to happen all over the world. Mt. Fuji, which was thought to be extinct, suddenly erupted again. Mt. Everest began to shrink. Tornadoes formed out of nowhere. 

Dumbledore commanded, "SONIC HURRICANE!!!!" 

Fawkes then flapped its wings and winds started to head towards the enemy. Finally, Fawkes blew on the enemy and a large tornado formed with Dark Phoenix in the middle. Then Fawkes blew once more and the tornado exploded. 

Inn with shock commanded his Phoenix, "HYPER INTENSITY!!!!" 

Dark Phoenix then flew towards Fawkes and slowly from its head flew into Fawkes' heart. Green flashes blinded everyone and suddenly a loud explosion occurred. Fawkes then collapsed weakly on the ground. 

Dumbledore went forward and commanded, "MEGA REPAIRER!!!!!" 

Blue beams zoomed towards Fawkes on all sides and yellow stars appeared on the top of its head. Fawkes opened its eyes and flew back into the sky. 

Dumbledore immediately ordered, "ULTIMATE STRIKE!!!!!" 

Fawkes gathered up red beams and its eyes turned light blue. It blew a tunnel of red towards the enemy and blurred everyone's sight. Fawkes zoomed through the tunnel and was about to make a collision with Dark Phoenix until... 

"OMEGA SHIELD!!!!!" Inn commanded. 

A dark sphere surrounded Dark Phoenix and symbols appeared on the on the sphere. Dark Phoenix was only seen as a wavy blur. 

'DEFEND!!!!" Inn yelled. 

The symbols on the sphere turned red and the sphere exploded just as Fawkes was about to ram it. Fawkes was blasted backwards and it landed sliding across the room and hit the wall. Fawkes again turned weak. 

"NO!!!!" 

Inn smiled, "AIDS!!!!" 

"What the..." 

Before Dumbledore knew anything, the Dark Phoenix shot a red ball towards Fawkes. 

But Dumbledore remained calm. "OMEGA SHIELD!!!" 

Fawkes shot back and created a shiny sphere around itself. 

Inn was sweating. Dumbledore was using the same cheat. 

"DEFEND!!!" 

The symbols on Fawkes' shield turned red and the red ball rebounded back onto the Dark Phoenix. 

Now, to start the AIDS. 

"ICE STRIKE!!!!" 

Fawkes flapped its wings once and small particles of ice began to form into sharp icicles and head towards the enemy. They shot in and out of the Phoenix and after 15 times, the icicles floated around and joined together to form one huge arrow of ice and shot through the Dark Phoenix. And if you're unsure about AIDS, AIDS is actually a disease which decreases the Immunity Power of the patient. So, which would mean... 

BOOM!!!! 

Yellow and purple flashes shot out of the Phoenix as it gave a shriek of pain. Then, the Phoenix exploded, its purple feathers floated around from the impact. 

Dumbledore caught one of the feathers and tore it in front of Inn. "Game Over," he said to Inn. But, it wasn't over yet. Dumbledore still had his last command to Fawkes... 

"PETRIFY ATTACK!!!" 

Fawkes' beak began to turn grey and it pecked Inn with it. "ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!" Inn D. Pink was a statue in 5 seconds. 

After dismissing Fawkes, Dumbledore said to them, "Let's go." 

He looked at the Detonator. On its digital screen, showed the number 5.00. 

"5 minutes to detonation time?!!!" Ron yelled. 

"Oh no!!!" Sirius said. 

"Yikes!!!" Remus said with shock. 

"We have been fighting for quite a time," said Dumbledore calmly. 

Harry's eyes opened and turned around to Hermione. He saw her taking out a calculator and she was pressing the buttons quickly. Harry could see she was sweating. Suddenly, she pressed the = button and she lifted her head up. 

"RUN!!!!!!!!!" 

Everyone zoomed out of the door at supersonic speed. 

A/N: Very short. My Insanity Degree has of course dropped tremendously but on the nest chapter you will find that it will...well....*takes out a calculator*. *Hermione storms in*. "GIVE ME BACK MY CALCULATOR OR I WILL KARATE YOU!!!!!!" *Red Scar sticks out his tongue and continues pressing the buttons*. PUNCH!!!!!! *Red Scar has black eye*. *Hermione storms out*. THAT HURTS!!!!! Oh and by the way, on the next chapter....Insanity Degree will be blasted up by a fiery rocket with all the bloody things and urine on it!!!! *Insanity Degree Meter blinks red*. 

NEXT ON MARAUDER'S BUTT 2: Will the gang make it out on time? Can they survive? Is Inn D. Pink really dead? Find out more on the next snot-filled chapter *Insanity Degree Meter blinks red*. 


	14. The Elude Part 1

A/N: This chapter can be really long, so I decided to put this chapter in to three chapters. OK? I warn you, this chapter is like, like a blood-filled pool with mud and *censor*. *Insanity Degree Meter blinks red*

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belong to J. K. Rowling. Insanity Degree Meters (I think I did not write that in the previous chap.....DON'T SUE ME!!!!!!) belongs to BluePrint. AK-47 rifles belong to some weapon company but I know it doesn't belong to me. The other names of weapons are make-ups.

Insanity Degree: *ERROR (Positive Infinity)*

_**Chapter 14**_

_**The Elude (Part 1)**_

After Harry blasted a hole on the wall, all they had to do was go through the hole. What that greeted them was a great pit right to the bottom. And you know how tall was the Asylum...

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!" But some soldiers gathered at the bottom with their sniper rifles ready.

A little too late. In a moment, they were squashed by eight familiar people. They just followed the path until...

They reached a junction. A sign above them showed...

_**WEAPON GALLERY**_

"Split up and find yourself a weapon." That was Dumbledore's order. All of them except Voldemort (He didn't need a weapon. He had one at his back way down the body but on top of the legs.) 

Harry looked at the walls. Guns were displayed in glass cages. But he didn't want just ANY weapon. He turned to Hermione who was identifying every weapon in the shelves.

"GIM Clennold 5.04 haste rifle, Gorge 90 range blastgun, 100 high-range lasergun, 9.88 medium-range Hortemmold shotgun. None of them fits."

She went to the ammunition area.

"Harvote 45.8 ammo Poison Range, Terra X fire ammo medium-high pitch. 67.93 range 400S X-teris 2020, Long fire 77434 IBG ammo Dark Mode, Modium 498 G-Pack Port low-range high-pitch ammo..."

Harry shook his head and looked through the drawers until he came across what seemed to look like an ordinary pistol. He picked it up and examined what was inside the pistol and used as ammo...

And smirked. He placed the pistol inside his pocket.

Meanwhile, Ron was looking for a different weapon all together. He went past the bazookas and crossbows and rocket launchers. But all they made him do was just yawn. 

"WHERE IS MY WEAPON????!!!!" He screamed and jumped up and down...

And crashed through the floor....

And found himself in an old store room. But something inside that store room made him smirk.

A sledge-hammer. Ron picked the heavy object and looked for a test subject...

And he found a concrete bar. Ron raised the sledge-hammer and with an insane laugh, he brought it down.

The concrete bar was dust once the sledge-hammer connected with it. Ron smiled, satisfied with the results, and took it with him.

Sirius was also searching the ULTIMATE weapon and searched everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. On the walls. he even copied Ron's "idea" and tried crashing through the floor. He looked for a secret passage but all that he found was a bra closet. 

That was until he looked at the ceiling. 

And saw a large steel sword hanging on four chains. 

He took a missile launcher and shot at the chains. The sword then spun in the air to the ground. 

Sirius took the sword and an instant surge of power zapped his body for a moment. It was made of hard titanium with steel bars inside and a concrete infrastructure. The hilt was made of extremely light golden material. Sirius examined the hilt and found a red button. He pressed it and sparks of electricity shot out.

Sirius smirked and laughed.

"Backlift 4500Z electro-rifle, I M A B B 60020 high-range flameshot twin pitch pistol, Hectagon STC 200 de-boner Poison Blast, Atom-B 500 Class F acid tornado handgun, 5400 I NOT BONKERS 2250 Rocket deflector Launcher Class Y, ESPN AA56 No sweat but odor EASY packgun. Argh! Nothing fits." 

Hermione continued to check back the other side. 

Sirius then was walking around showing off his sword until he tripped over something. 

"What's this?" said Sirius as he picked a long sophisticated rifle.

"An AASTC-500 high-range Invertospeed polarshot!" said Hermione and ran towards him.

"Wow!" said Sirius and he pulled the trigger...but nothing happened.

"No! NO! You must adjust trigger dial to 50" said Hermione.

"OK. Hey nothing happens."

"Switch the ATB lever to Open Fire."

"Still nothing..."

"Turn momentum shot to 6 ammo Regenerate Fire Blast." 

"Ok but still..."

"Activate Lens shot with red shot fire ammo and twist electro-ammo shot!"

"Hmmm....Oh I get it....hey, it still doesn't...."

"Recoil battery pack and activate hatch ammo!"

"Still..."

Hermione sighed and snatched the weapon. She then did a lot of complicated things with the polarshot. She twiddled the knobs, turned the dials, opened and closed hatches and pulled triggers and pressed the buttons. she then twisted the nozzle dial slowly until a click was heard. 

"Yeah!"

She pulled the main trigger and an electric ball, with beams of red sparks flying from it, flew slowly from the gun but sped up quickly. The ball then crashed through the wall. The sound of the ball was not heard anymore.........until the gang heard a loud scream.

"My type of weapon!" said Hermione as she recoiled the rifle.

Remus then ran in. "I am DESPERATE for a weapon!!!" He then looked at the hole. "Who made that?" 

Hermione answered, "Oh. The Polarshot."

He looked inside the hole. Then, his eyes began to grow big and his mouth began to water.

Sirius smiled, "Okay, so you found another bra cabinet but YOU don't need to drool so please, CARRY ON!!!"

Remus only said, "No. It is the OFFICIAL FIFA WORLD CUP FOOTBALL FEVERNOVA!!!!!!!"

Sirius and Hermione looked inside the hole. At the centre of the secret chamber, there stood a ball inside a glass case.

Remus crashed through the wall and moved as slow as a zombie. He even looked like a zombie.

"Remus? Yoohoo?" 

When he finally approached the glass case, he bowed to the glass case as if the ball was an idol or something like that. He walked very slowly and touched the glass case and drooled some more.

"I...must....HAVE IT!!!!!!!!" He took the glass case and shook it and dropped it to the floor Not a crack appeared. 

He knocked the case with rifles, bazookas and even Ron's sledge-hammer, but not a single sign that it would break was formed on the exterior.

Sirius remembered something. "I haven't tested my sword yet! Remus, back away! I will break the glass!"

"NO!!!! YOU WILL SLICE MY PRECIOUS BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

But it was too late. Sirius raised his sword high in the air and dropped it onto the case.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

Remus covered his face. He dare not to even look at the sight of it. 

SMASH!!!!!

"Yo, Remus! It worked!!" 

Remus opened one eye. He saw fragments of glass scattered across the floor. And there, stood the ball, left intact.

He moved slowly towards the ball and touched it. He backed his finger away from it as if the ball was a touch-sensitive mine. But then, he grabbed at the ball and smiled.

"YYYYAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!" He kicked the ball and juggled with his legs and shot at the wall.

It created a hole.

"Wow. I did not guess my strength!" 

Hermione looked at the hole and picked up the ball. "No, it's not your strength. I think the ball is not an original."

"YOU MEAN IT'S PIRATED?"

"No, I mean...the Asylum guys must have meddled with the material code and created a titanium-aloid made ball."

"You mean it's...stronger?"

"Yes."

"COOL!!!! I'll have this as my weapon!"

Soon, everyone gathered outside. Harry noticed Dumbledore chose an AK-47 rifle for his weapon. McGonagall had no weapon.

"Where's your weapon, Professor McGonagall?"

"I found none that matches my abilities."

"Let's go."

But as soon as they got out, 2 soldiers jumped down from a bridge.... but fell down into a large pit. BANG!!!! Then, the two soldiers climbed up angrily and aimed their laser rifles at the gang.

"YEEEHAAAA!!!!" 

Sirius came forward and sliced the soldier in half while pressing the button, so the soldier had an electric chop didn't he? 

"YIKER BONKA!!!!!" shouted the remaining guard and ran away...but Ron ran forward and smashed the soldier's head into pieces with his sledge hammer. The headless guard then fell down. Just for kicks, Sirius sliced it in half.

The gang then continued the journey until they found 3 soldiers jumping from a bridge......but smashed into the wall. When all 3 of them got to their feet. The first tester was coming up.

"BOO!" yelled Dumbledore.

"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!" yelled a soldier but Dumbledore pulled the trigger of his rifle and it clicked, "Out of ammo?!!!!"

The soldiers laughed.

"SHUT UP!!!!!!"

Dumbledore smashed one of the soldier's head into pieces with his rifle.

"BOBO KERISMA CYROKUKU!!!!" 

The 2 soldiers ran away but Hermione came out already. She twisted a few dials and pulled the trigger. The electric ball shot out and hit a soldier.

"BLUEAH HUALCH!!!!!" yelled the soldier and shook all over. He turned green before splitting into two.

"WHOA!!!!!" said Hermione and recoiled the polarshot. 

"MAMA WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!!!" yelled the remaining soldier and ran away. Remus came out.

"I will do my Terror Over-the-hill Frontal Inward Roller-wheel Somersault Spinner Shot Kick Trick."

Remus threw his ball in the air and he jumped up. He spun 500 times, somersaulted and kicked the ball. The ball hit the soldier causing him to fall down. The ball bounced back to the landing Remus and did a bicycle kick and blasted the ball to the soldier and Remus slammed on him. The ball shot up and Remus punched it on the guard's *ahem*. The ball flew off the wall and Remus somersaulted and did a header and rolled in the air and bicycle kicked the ball to the other end of the room. It bounced off the wall just as Remus ran forward and bicycle kicked the ball towards the guard at high speed and it ripped off his head from his neck.

"Just for kicks I will do my Smash Crash Dash Shot-Down the Showdown Bash Playoff!!!!"

Remus somersaulted in the air and threw his ball and blasted the ball onto the floor. The force made it bounce off and he punched the ball at the headless guard's *ahem* and the guard flew off and crashed through the wall. 

And you know that the wall was the side of the Space Asylum and you know that the building was on top of a tall mountain so.....

BANG!!!!!!

Now he's really dead. 

Voice: HE IS NOT DEAD!!!! HE IS NOT DEAD!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Red Scar: SHUT UP FRED AND GEORGE AND YOU AIN'T GOT NO NOTHING TO DON'T DIDN'T FIX THAT RADIO AMPLIFIER WITH YOUR NOT NO LOUD MICROPHONE WITH THAT NOT NO LOUD VOICE AND GET YOUR NOT NO BLOODY BODIES OUT OF THIS NOT NO NICE STUDIO.

Fred and George: How many negatives are there in that sentence anyway?

Red Scar: I AIN'T DON'T CARE AND AIN'T DON'T KNOW HOW MANY NOT NO NEGATIVES IN THAT NOT NO NEGATIVE SENTENCE.

Fred and George: Red Scar is kinda getting multiple negative today huh? *walks out of the door*

Red Scar: DON'T NO GET OUT OF THIS NO NOT BIG STUDIO WHICH IS USED FOR MY NOT NO INSANE STORY THAT IS NOT NO ABOUT NO NOTHING.

Fred and George: Bye!

Red Scar: YOU DON'T KNOW I DON'T DIDN'T NEVER AIN'T GOT NOT NO NOTHING!!!!!!

Ron asked, "Hey, Harry. What's your weapon?" 

Harry replied, "Erm...well, hey! McGonagall hasn't shown her weapon yet!" 

At the same time, two soldiers jumped out of a cliff.......and landed head-first in front of them. Suddenly, McGonagall jumped and kicked at a soldier. "HIYA!!!!!!" She looked around and found a concrete pipe near the wall. She invincibly and majestically BROKE the pipe and swung at the two. She pushed one to the wall and keep on knocking the concrete pipe on his head until his head broke to pieces. She swung at the other soldier and hit his *ahem* and the guy screamed like hell. She took both legs and cracked them, thus paralyzing him. Holding the legs, she swung the soldier round and round in the air as if she was de-gnoming or something like that and threw him out of the building. 

Ron looked at Harry, "I wonder what kind of detention she will be giving us next year." 

But it was found another soldier decided to join the testing room. Harry quickly lunged for a lever and pulled it. An emergency shutter dropped near the soldier thus trapping him. Harry took out his pistol and aimed. 

"W-Who are you?" 

"Name's Potter," he replied as he recoiled the pistol, loading it with the "dangerous" ammo. 

"Harry Potter." 

He pulled the trigger and instantly, an underwear with a white background and red-polka dots shot out and wrapped itself round the soldier's head. Ron immediately took the chance and sledge-hammered his head. 

After doing so, he told Harry, "I want that weapon!" 

"No, it's mine! I found it first so it's mine!" He stuck out his tongue. 

Dumbledore said, "Now, no quarreling. I got an empty rifle. Go on." 

Suddenly, Dumbledore found a long and wide rifle on the floor. 

"A Glenn 90600 ATV Nobel Super-horror MISSILE LAUNCHER!!!!!!" exclaimed a Granger who had a humungous memory of everything. 

"I see," said Dumbledore as he picked it up, "Let me see....there is no recoiling or anything is there?" 

Hermione sighed and said, "The Glenn 90600 ATV Nobel Super-horror Missile Launcher does not have anything hard. Just pull the trigger. Really, all of you must take Muggle Studies." 

Dumbledore pulled the trigger. 

A small rocket shot out from the nozzle but then enlarged into a full-sized missile before it activated its booster rockets and zoomed through the wall and crashed more walls on the other rooms until its sound was not heard again......until a loud scream and an EXTREMELY loud boom. 

"WHOA!!!!" 

Debris flew out of the holes followed by screaming people on fire. 

"My type of powerful weapon," said Dumbledore and spun his weapon by the trigger. 

They ran into an elevator. Taking the chance, they boarded the elevator. When they arrived at the top, they found themselves in a place that looked a lot like a control room. (Wait a second. It was a control room.) 

Buttons and screens filled the area, but only one thing caught the eye of the gang. 

A black joystick. Dumbledore examined it and looked through the large glass window. He saw a large red missile launcher. He twirled the joystick around to see whether the joystick actually controlling the missile launcher. 

The launcher moved the same direction as the joystick. 

Nearby, a screen was showing the World Map. Two red dots were blinking at the same location as the Space Asylum. 

Sirius noticed, "Hey! They have been tracking us all the time!" 

"Or should I say," Dumbledore corrected him. "Harry and I only, since we were in space during that time." 

Remus looked at the map closely. "This map must have been operated by satellites. About four of them." 

Dumbledore found an idea. "Remus, could you make the map of the satellites' location?" 

Remus Lupin, the well-known control-hacker (During his time, the Marauders always asked his help to hack into the Slytherin common room to plant some Dungbombs.), punched in some buttons and at a large screen, plopped in the image of the Earth and four blue dots located near the image. The satellites, Dumbledore presumed. 

He looked at the image of the Earth closely and looked for his position in the map. Then, using Mental Algebra, he twirled the joystick until the launcher was roughly aiming for the first satellite and finally, he pressed the red button on the joystick. 

A missile was launched into the sky and above, they saw a small mid-air explosion. Part of the World Map dissolved and one of the blue dots on the other map disappeared. 

Dumbledore dissolved two other satellites until there was one more. He did not explode that satellite. 

He explained, "I devised another theory on how to make the Muggles around the world forget about "aliens". But just for the moment..." 

He looked at a giant satellite dish near the control room. "Sirius, what will happen if I Obliviate the satellite dish?" 

"Well, the satellite dish will be erm...obliviated?" 

"Exactly. Now, what will happen to the signals the satellite dish sends?" 

"The signals the dish will send will be replaced with Obliviated signals and sent through the air. Pretty simple." 

"What happens to those signals?" 

"The satellite you did not destroy will pick up the signals." 

"And will be therefore..." 

"Obliviated." 

"And the signals it will send back will be obliviated as well and will jam most of the computers here. Every single electronic thing here will send the obliviated signals and anyone who see or hear them will be obliviated." 

"Now, what happens to the OTHER satellites orbiting the Earth at the same time?" 

"The signals the Obliviated satellite sends will also interfere with the other satellites so the other satellites will pick up the signals...and become obliviated?" 

"I see you're catching up with my plan. Now, the satellites will send more signals to the Earth, right?" 

"Yes, and the TV and radio stations will pick them up and sent through cable, right into Muggle homes." 

"Now, this is the final part of the plan. What will happen to every single Muggle who happens to be hearing the radio or watching the TV?" 

"They will become OBLIVIATED!!! BRILLIANT PLAN, PROFESSOR! BRILLIANT! But, will it work?" 

Dumbledore sighed. "I don't know. But we must try." 

He looked at Harry and Ron. "Harry, you will have to go an type a message. It doesn't have to be logic. The objective of the message is to make the satellite dish send something through the air so that the signals can be replaced. Got it?" 

"Got it!" 

Harry and Ron rushed to a nearby computer and started typing about Hermione Granger, the Living Brain. Ron was enjoying himself. "Harry! Take a look at this!" He typed very slowly four letters into the screen. 

"Hey! You typed in the F WORD!!!" 

"But no one is going to see the message. It's going to be replaced, ya know." 

"Remember, Harry," Dumbledore said. "When I say Obliviate, you press the Submit button. Clear?" 

He aimed his wand at the satellite dish and very slowly, he said. "OBLIVIATE!!!!!" 

At the same time, Harry pushed the "SUBMIT" button. 

A green laser beam shot from his wand and crashed through the window. It went further until it hit the dish. 

"It's over." 

Harry was shocked. "That quick?" 

"The waves will travel as fast as the speed of light," Dumbledore explained. 

Suddenly, Dumbledore's **_digital_** watch made an alarm. He looked at it. A message came out: 

OVERTIME 

"Overtime?" Dumbledore wondered. "What overtime?" 

A/N: Oooohhhh. How I LOVE cliffhangers. They are so FUN!!! I will not put any previews for the next part to make this story SO EXCITING!!!!!! The readers of this story will enter excessive severe suspense that they will go MAD to see the next parts! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *censor* What do you think, guys? Guys? *sees people carrying axes and tridents walking towards Red Scar with signs saying "WE KILL CLIFFHANGER AUTHORS!"* Uh, oh. That looks like trouble. Erm...bye! *runs from scene as protestors fire grenades at him* *EXTREMELY LOUD CENSOR from protestors* 


	15. The Elude Part 2

Harry: Hey, guys? Do you know where the author is?

Ron: Dunno. They said he was blown up by a nuclear bomb. Who knows? All we know is that he 'disappeared' from those cliffhanger protestors.

Hermione: They said he went to Afghanistan. 

Draco Malfoy: Hey fellas! I found out the author's secret location!

Harry: Cool. How did ya know?

Draco Malfoy: He e-mailed me. He said it is a secret that can only be viewed by moi!

Ron: Come on! Tell me QUICK!

Draco Malfoy: Sorry. But yer have to pay.

Hermione: How much?

Draco Malfoy: Let's see...Since all of the country is searching for him....a **_few_** billion Galleons?

Ron: That's crazy!

*Harry takes a big brown sack and dropped it in front of Malfoy*

Harry: Here. Your few billion Galleons. Now, spill it out!

Draco Malfoy: Okay. Settled. Have it printed here. *waves piece of paper* HE IS IN....

*ground blows up beneath them* *all characters fly into graveyard* 

*shovel stuck out of ground* *Red Scar jumps out of ground*

A/N: Well, well, well. Can't trust Malfoy to keep a secret. Oh, hello! I'm back!!!! Okay, so the rumors are true. I WAS in Afghanistan for two reasons. First, to research on gruesome killings and deaths. Secondly, to hide from the protestors. Actually, there was a plane heading from here to Afghanistan. So, I knew the protestors were going to kill me. So, I went back, the long way. And as for them, I placed an ADDing Device (Airplane Direction Diverting Device) on the engine. So, now, they must be in erm...somewhere in outer space? Anyway, thanks for your supportive reviews. Here's the second part of my previous chapter.

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belong to J.K. Rowling. The Jecht Shot belongs to Squaresoft.

Insanity Degree: (please refer to previous chapter)

_**Chapter 15**_

_**The Elude (Part 2)**_

Outside, on the roof, a small explosion could be seen.

"Oh, no!" Hermione exclaimed. "The time bomb!"

"This doesn't look good." Dumbledore said to himself. 

"But I only set the bomb with 2 doses!" Ron said.

"TWO DOSES?! TWO DOSES?! Why, two doses could be good anywhere else!" Dumbledore said. "But, this is a place filled with oxygen tanks, hydrogen tanks, missiles and rocket fuel! With all these, the fire can easily spread. But, we have nothing to worry about. The only thing we need to worry about is the Rocket Fuel Plant. If any of those tanks in the plant are touched by even a spark..." 

"We're roasted chicken," Sirius continued, "Then that.....Muggle guy.....I think he's a colonel.....by the name of Sandals or Sanders, I think....will take us!!!" 

"GUIDED MISSILES LAUNCHIN'!" 

Ron was surprised. "They are still hunting us down, even in an emergency?" 

Voldemort seemed not to bothering about the bomb, or the missiles. He still laughed and jumped around to the end of the corridor. 

Harry remembered something. "Wait. Remember the elevator we took up the hill?" 

Everyone thought of the same thing. "THE STAIRS!!!!" They immediately rushed for any stairs to the lobby. 

But of course, the plan did not work. From the speakers: "Ground floor lobby is on fire. Please take the emergency exits. A14 evacuation start. Use Intercross 90 if you're in range with F17 Quarters. Halfback to Yard 17 if you're in Intercross 70" 

Dumbledore stamped his foot on the ground. "Damn it! We'll need an alternative escape!" 

Harry whispered, "Are you sure he's a headmaster?" 

McGonagall said, "Of course he is, you damned fool." 

Ron pointed outside, "But first, THE MISSILES!!!!" 

Six missiles were heading towards them. 

"DUCK!!!" 

Even though Voldemort did not take the advice and instead, concentrated on Phosphane Release, he somehow missed all of them. It was like a miracle. 

The 6 missiles swooped through an open window and spun around Hitting a tall tower. The tall tower exploded and fell down on some **_'innocent' _**soldiers. 

The speakers boomed, "Guard tower 18 down!!!! I think 6 airplanes rammed it. You sure that there are no more hijackings since that September 11 thingy?" 

Another voice boomed through the speakers, "OF COURSE THERE AREN'T!!!!!! IT WAS SIX **_MISSILES_**!!!!!!!!!" 

"Ok then. Launch AETs (Alternative Evacuation Transports) NOW!!!!!!!" 

McGonagall asked Dumbledore, "Great, now, how are we going to escape?" 

"To the Observation Deck!" 

They all ran for the stairs, leading for the Observation Deck. 

Six soldiers were ready at the top, rifles aiming. But one shot of a missile launcher sent them flying out and landed right into a blazing inferno........ 

Harry asked, "Why to the Observation Deck?" 

"To look around. We need to find this so-called alternative transportation." 

Hermione pointed outside, "Look! A launch-pad!!! I've seen loads of those during our PEACEFUL trip to Miami." 

Ron asked, "Why the countdown is on?" 

Hermione replied annoyingly, "Because they are going to send out a rocket, silly." 

Dumbledore suddenly shouted, "As their emergency alternative transportation!!!!" 

"Huh?" Ron was confused. 

Remus explained, "Pretty simple. The countdown started because they are going to use the rocket to escape from this area. Therefore, we have to hijack the rocket, so that we, too, can escape as well." 

Sirius said, "But it is far away! We'll never be able to get there on time!" 

Dumbledore thought, "_There must be a fast transportation to use during an emergency to get there quick._" 

The speakers boomed, "Train 44A launched. Points C, Z5, B22 and G join. Destination Terminal 20. Train 44B on standby. 5 minutes to train launch. Evacuation on Sector Delta to full-speed. Wildfire to Section 84. Emergency shutters in Sector Pi close." 

Dumbledore looked at a map nearby. They obviously placed codenames for everything, he thought to himself. The message was deciphered and understood. Destination Terminal 20 was classified in the map as the launch-pad. Points C, Z5, B22 and G were the points on the railroad, and if calculated correctly, will leave a straight-forward path to the launch-pad. Sector Delta was the area of the Asylum where the train station was located. 

"Building Z15 down. Train 44A out of building. People in 1250M evacuate using B2 stairs." 

Dumbledore looked out of the window and saw a high-tech bullet train zooming along a railroad as fast as an airplane on taking off. 

"We must find the train station and hijack one of the trains," he said to them. "With this, we can get to the launch-pad safely. Is that clear?" 

"Yes, sir." 

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!" 

"YES, SIR!!!" 

"Good." 

Ron looked out of the window and saw something. "Or we don't need to find it at all, sir. The train station is right beneath us." 

Just on time, the train beneath started to move. 

"WE NEED TO CRASH ONE OF THE WINDOWS HERE!!!" 

Ron quickly took his sledge-hammer and slammed the window but only to make a crack. 

"Reinforced glass aloid panes!!!!!" yelled Hermione. 

Dumbledore took his missile launcher and the missile crashed the window and it was left with no glass at all. The missile lowered and crashed Train 44A making a large explosion. 

"Unidentified object crashed Train 44A. Evacuation in Section 2 start. Train 44B launched." 

"NOW JUMP!!!!" 

One by one, they jumped on the top of the carriages of the train. Voldemort, by luck, landed on the edge of the last carriage. 

Immediately, a horde of soldiers jumped from the train, rifles aiming at the gang. 

Ron asked Harry, "Do you think the train was expecting us?" 

"After what we did back there, yes." 

War began. Dumbledore shot at every single soldier on sight. McGonagall was karate-chopping their elbows and Ron was slamming the heads. Sirius was also executing them in an electric way. Remus Lupin began shooting with his ball at all the remaining ones, sending them flying down the mountain. Hermione polar-shot them as they tumbled down the slopes. 

After all that, they rested on top, eating their barbecued dinner (of soldier's limbs). 

Dumbledore smelt something in the air. "Smells like sulfur and acid put together ." 

All looked at Voldemort. "It wasn't me." 

Hermione pointed at a concrete pipe. "It's coming from there." 

Dumbledore walked slowly towards the pipe and smelt with a deep breath.... 

And threw up. 

"Must be their *cough* secret formulae *cough* created by a huge great *cough* pump." 

Remus smelt it with a much lighter dose. "This formulae must be in gas form." 

Harry, remembering his Muggle science lessons before heading for Hogwarts, asked Dumbledore, "Does gas fills up space, like liquid and solids?" 

"Of course it does." 

"Then, what happens when something blocks that pipe?" 

"Well, the air pressure inside the pump will build up and get bigger and bigger and bigger, until it..." Dumbledore smirked and asked, "Does anyone one of you have a erm...a BALLOON INFLATING PUMPING DEVICE?" 

Harry took it out from his pocket. Dumbledore examined and tested it out with his balloon. "Still working." 

He took the balloon out and with it, he fixed onto the pipe. He began pump up and down rapidly. The carriage seemed to be moving a bit. 

"Professor Dumbledore. What the damned heck are you doin' with that thing????" asked McGonagall. 

"Well, as I said," he explained as he was pumping. "As I pump, the air pressure inside the acid pump will get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger..." 

The car of the train was beginning to inflate and get bloated. The steel panes bended and bolts and nails flew out. It almost looked as the car was about to explode. Dumbledore seemed to be having a very hard time with the last few pumps as he was sweating. 

Suddenly, he stopped. "Okay. This is the last shot. A small push will send this carriage exploding. On the count to 3, you run to the next carriage. One, two....Hey, Professor McGonagall, do you think this carriage has people inside it?" 

"Don't know." 

"Well, there is only one way to find out. THREE!!!!" He pushed the pump and ran for his life. 

The carriage exploded and green acid blasted out at all directions. Screams were heard as burning people flew out. The acid then turned into fire. Blood was seen all over the rail. The train then incidentally slowed down and the last carriage that was behind the acid car coupled back, forming a smaller train. 

"That was exhausting!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "Hey, take a look at this!" 

He rushed to the last carriage. There, a large metal panel was seen. 

"This must lead to the cargo area," Remus suggested. He tried to open it. "It's locked with locks." 

Dumbledore rummaged through his handbag and found a hook. "ENGORGIO!!!!" The hook expanded to enormous size. He hooked it with the panel. "Get ready your weapons. You might not know when this carriage is crowded." He pulled the hook. The panel was forced open. 

They all jumped inside. No one was seen. 

"They must be in the other carriages. Salvage this carriage." 

All of them searched for anything, although unsure what they were supposed to find. 

They found a circular panel at the back of the carriage in the 'EXPLOSIVE AND DANGEROUS CARGO' section. "This leads to outside," Sirius guessed. 

"Why build a door to outside the train?" Ron asked. 

"To take the cargo down obviously." 

Then the speakers on the train boomed, "Weapon Rail tank V-164 up and going!!!! Evacuation 122 in bridge 2A4 on the go. Buildings 35, 37 and 45 down in Section Gamma." 

Sirius forced open the back panel, using the huge hook, and saw a large green tank fixed to the railroad zooming towards them. In the background......a blazing city. The tank has thousands of guns, rocket launchers and cannons. 

Dumbledore sighed and got back to the top of the train. 

"SAY GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled as almost pulled the trigger until.... 

"FREEZE!!!!!" a swarm of soldiers appeared on the front car. 

Dumbledore shot a missile and it hit the swarm at one go. The swarm flew to the back of the train and landed on the railroad behind the train. 

"WHOOPS!!!!" said Dumbledore as the Rail Tank rolled over the swarm. The tank flew up but landed back onto the track......this time closer. 

"Couple...couple..." The tank finally coupled with the train. "Good." He looked at the others. "Salvage the tank and push all the crates into this train." 

They all went in and after a gruesome killing assault........"BOOM!!!!!! AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!" They pushed the crates filled with weapons into the train. After all the hard work, they got out of the tank. Before they went out, Dumbledore placed an explosive on the front door of the tank. 

"COLLECTOR FOR WEAPON RAIL TANK V-164 LAUNCHING!" 

A blue tank went up behind the Weapon Rail Tank and coupled with it. At the same time, using an unusual-looking device they found in the Cargo area, Dumbledore uncoupled the chain between the Tank and the Train. 

And saw the Tank exploding when the people at the Collector opened the door. At this point they were on a bridge. 

"SUICIDE MISSION Q STARTING!" 

"What the..." Dumbledore went to the top of the train and looked. The train was approaching a junction. The point lever was pulled to the right, leading the train to the right. From there, another train was heading to this railroad. If they don't do something.... 

He took a speed monitor device and examined the speed of the train. After that, he examined the other train's speed. It was clear that his train is faster than that train. He quickly estimated the distance between the train and the junction and how long until it will reach... He quickly hatched a plan. 

He gave an order to the people below. "Push at least 5 of the crates and throw them to the railroad. Someone fetch me a loaded rifle." 

Although they do not understand these orders, they pushed 5 crates and threw them to the railroad, using the back panel. Harry found a rifle and looked inside for ammo, and gave it to Dumbledore. 

He took it to the front carriage and aimed for the point lever. At his moment, he shot. 

The point lever shifted, making the path lead to the left. The train went through the left rail and the moment the last carriage went through, the other train passed, entirely missed the targeted train. 

The conductor of the suicide train was frustrated. "DAMN!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!" 

The train hit the explosive crates and BOOM.......the train was blasted from the bottom and it flew up and skidded on the track upside down. It hit all the other bombs, rolling and twirling and finally......AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! 

The train fell off the bridge heading far below...........and into a power plant. BOOOOMMMM!!!!!! 

The whole power plant exploded into a mushroom cloud. The wires that were connected to the electric plant caught fire and the high voltage electricity carried the blazing flames right into the Space Asylum...... 

"POWER PLANT EVACUATE. WIRE IN FLAMES. WIRE IN FLA.....POWER PLANT DOWN." 

Soon there was a blackout in the whole Space Asylum. All equipment in the Space Asylum malfunctioned except for the Announcement Radio and the AETs. 

Dumbledore retreated into the Cargo area and high-fived. "Phew. That was close!" 

It wasn't over yet. 

A helicopter hovered above the train and shot missiles at the back carriage. 

"I'll handle it!" Remus Lupin climbed back on top of the train and looked. He immediately triggered an idea. 

"JECHT SHOT!!!!" 

He kicked the football towards the rotor, causing the helicopter to go berserk. The ball returned and he punched it to the propeller and returned. He jumped into the air, spinning around 600 times and gave a massive kick to the ball. The ball spun all the way into the engine. The helicopter caught fire and fell down a gorge. 

The burning pilot....."AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!" let go of a steel pipe before exploding. The steel pipe landed on the floor. 

"What's this?????" asked Remus as he picked up the pipe. It was actually a weapon. 

"The Nuclear Pulse-High Range 4000 PANTHER 20A ROM 3" diameter ammo Shot Rifle!!!!" said Hermione. 

"COOL!!!!!!" said Remus and pulled the trigger several times. 

10 flickering blue balls shot out and headed towards the Space Asylum at high speed. They hit 10 buildings and all of them melted and collapsed. 

"Towers A90, L34, G19, BACK, FTS, G70, HYT, Z12, Q14 and F21 down!!!!" 

Dumbledore looked around and found two devices in a crate. The Uncoupling Device and the Locking Device. 

He took them and looked around. Nothing interesting left. 

"Let's get up," he said to the others. All of them climbed back up on the carriage. 

That was when they saw a train carriage getting closer to their train. 

"A SECRET ASSAULT!" Sirius immediately recognized. "When the train carriage couples with this train, the soldiers inside it will get out and hunt us down!" 

Dumbledore remembered one of his devices he collected. He waited until the train coupled with the carriage. Then, he jumped down and placed the Locking Device on the door. The device's dials spun automatically. He then jumped up. 

"The door is locked," he assured the others. "They can't get out." 

"But, wesa have to disposa thema," Voldemort told him. 

"And I think I know how to dispose them." Dumbledore walked to the front carriage and looked at the scenario. 

They were approaching another junction on the railroad. One path leads to the launch pad, which is their destination, and the lever was pointing towards the path, meaning the train will head to that path. The right path was blocked by a wooden sign: DANGER! BRIDGE UNDER CONSTRUCTION. 

Dumbledore looked at his equipment: an uncoupling device, a loaded rifle and a magic coal stone that will make any train go twice its speed. 

He got a plan on how to dispose the carriage. 

A/N: It ends here! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! More cliffhangers! Yes! What is the plan? Let's see if anyone of you can guess it. *sees airplane heading towards him* Uh oh. The protestors are here. *airplane releases guided missiles* Well, gotta run! To where, you say? Well, can't tell ya! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *runs away as missile explodes at his back.* 


	16. The Elude Part Finale

Harry: WE MISSED GETTING HIS AUTOGRAPH!!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Ron: Bloody protestors chased him away the moment we came out of that bloody grave!

Hermione: Hey, I'm getting something. *looks at PC monitor* Like a radio signal or something in the air!

Ron: Where? WHERE?

Hermione: I think it's coming from...*types several codes and presses ENTER* the SECRET LOCATION!

Harry: Why is a radio signal flying from the SECRET LOCATION?

Ron: Wait a minute! What if that signal is coming from...

All: HIM!!!!

Harry: Hermione, get that damn computer running and pick up that signal!

Hermione: *places satellite dish and connects it with computer* *punches more codes into computer* *message appears on screen*

A/N: For those who were smart to pick up this signal, I reward him or her with my latest 16th chapter, the final ingredient of the escape. To tell you the truth, I was in the SECRET LOCATION. Peaceful and quiet. In fact so peaceful, I feel more insane than ever. MUAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Okay, maybe I'm not as insane as I was. How would a Playstation 2 without an owner suddenly DROP into the SECRET LOCATION? Who knows, but it happened to me there. Started playing Final Fantasy X. Cool. 

I'm sorry I took a pretty long time to update this but I do not seem to have the time. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Ron: He better be.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter as my apologies present. Oh, and happy hols. Have a good winter. A good BLOODY winter. MUAHAHAHA. And I also set a bomb at the end of this chapter. No kiddin'. It's gonna really work at your computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hermione: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kidding!

Harry: *about a mile from the computer by now* CRAP!!!!!!!! SON OF A *censor* BLAST-ENDED SKREWT!!!!!!!!!

Ron: In fact, what is the meaning of fu*censor* anyway?

_Back at the Studio....._

Red Scar: You nearly exposed that foul word, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

Censorship Technician: Sorry!

_Back in the Signaling Computer Room...._

Hermione: Maybe *censor* means 'very good'.

Harry: OH!!!! Hermione, you are a *censor* person.

Hermione: Thank you.

Insanity Degree: _(please refer to Chapter 14)_

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belong to J.K. Rowling.

_**Chapter 16**_

_**The Elude (Final Part [A/N: FINALLY!!!!!!])**_

Dumbledore took his loaded rifle and told them, "When I give you the signal, Ron, you must place the Uncoupling Device on the chain between the ambush carriage and the train. At the same time, Harry, you must place this coal stone into the main funnel. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir!"

"I will attempt to shoot that lever between the railroads so that the carriage will enter the wrong railroad, AND.."

"...ensure the passengers that they will be needing their spare aspirins," Sirius continued with a glee. 

"...and put some spikes down there to really MAKE sure they use their aspirins!" said Remus.

"But how," asked Hermione, "can they take their aspirins in 2 seconds before they end.........." 

Hermione looked at everyone. She pointed her finger up. 

Remus smiled and said, "Or....." He pointed down. 

"HEY!" yelled Harry, "I think aspirins only kill pain in their butts!" 

"Why?" asked Hermione. 

"Why would they call it ass-pirins if they are not for your asses!" 

"Hey cool!" 

"Maybe I should use some aspirins for the Butt right here!" said Remus while slapping his butt, "Wanna see it?" 

"OH NO!" said Hermione. 

Then they got back to the carriage annihilation plan. One man inside the carriage stuck his head out of the window and drooled in front of the gang. 

"But what happens if you miss the lever?" asked Ron.

Hermione sighed and shouted swiftly (Yes, in 1 second) while pulling out her hair, "A DISASTROUS, CATASTROPHIC, APOCALYPTIC CALAMITY WHICH WILL CAUSE A DISASTROUS, CATASTROPHIC, APOCALYPTIC CALAMITY WHICH WILL CAUSE A........."

"STOP THIS INSTANT! You are gonna get bald, Miss Granger," assured Professor McGonagall.

"Excuse me." Everyone looked at Remus. "We are approaching the junction."

"Okay." 

Dumbledore positioned himself at the carriage before the ambush carriage, and aimed his rifle. 

"NOW!!!"

Ron quickly placed the Uncoupling Device on the chain linking the the last carriage and the ambush carriage. Immediately, the carriages were separated. At the same time, Harry dropped the magic coal stone into the main funnel. The train began to speed up and soon the train was passing on the railroad.

Dumbledore shot the bullet.

In a second, the junction switched, leading the ambush carriage to the broken bridge. The carriage rolled and slammed the barrier. It rocketed down the bridge and flew in the air as 'graceful' as a bird with no wings. Harry actually saw bodies falling of the carriage.

2 seconds later, an explosion was heard all over the air. Fire and sparks shot out in the air. Ash and smoke towered an amazing 10,000 feet in the air. Burning bodies were blasted in the sky. Some of them were shot into the clouds and were never seen again. 

"AMBUSH CARRIAGE B-90 DOWN! TOWER C-19 AND CHEMISTRY LAB 84 DOWN. PEOPLE IN SECTOR PI PLEASE EVACUATE THROUGH INTERCROSS-CHAMBER B."

Sirius snickered. They didn't use their spare aspirins after all.

"We're approaching the station!" Professor McGonagall pointed at the tunnel which the train was getting closer.

"We're to jump on top of the tunnel!" Dumbledore exclaimed.

"Why?" Harry asked. 

"Remember what I told you about the Underground system in London affecting the train systems in the USA when we were heading for Florida? It might just happen again."

"One, two...JUMP!!!"

They all leapt on top of the tunnel.

There was _**1**_ second of silence before..........BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A large blue train slammed out of the tunnel and flew into the air. Twisting and looping it exploded in mid-air making more blazing bodies shooting all over. Even more burning debris and corpses flew out of the tunnel. The railroad de-railed itself causing another ambush plan foiled.

"AMBUSH CARRIAGE B-91 DOWN! EVACUATION ON INTERCROSS-CHAMBER B FULL!"

"Good," Dumbledore said.

They all crawled along the tunnel. At last, they finally reached their destination.

"The launch pad," Harry noticed. They looked closely at the emergency rocket standing there. Sirius found a door leading inside. He attempted to force it open but at no avail. 

"We need a keycard to access the rocket," Remus Lupin explained. "But, the passengers in the train all have the keycards and they were destroyed in the explosion."

"Hey, Professor," Ron questioned, as he pointed to a clock on the control tower. "Why is there a count-down to the launch, even without anybody boarding it?"

"Must be an Auto-Launch. The rocket launches itself to avoid complications before the launch. After a few seconds, it turns on manual status. Meaning that the rocket must be turned on manually by astronauts in those few seconds. But since no one will be there to turn it on..."

"...the rocket will deactivate and fall back down..." Professor McGonagall continued, realizing the awful truth.

"...ending in a fatal explosion..."

"...AND ROASTED WIZARDS!" Ron exclaimed. 

".....DOS IZ MIN FLEE LUNSCH??????" said Voldemort jumping up and down.

"NO! Now, I can find something to panic about besides spiders and exams!" replied Ron.

Harry looked at the digital clock. 3 minutes before Auto-Launch.

"We climb it," he muttered. 

"What, Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"We climb the rocket."

"ARE YOU AS MAD AS YOU-KNOW-WHO?" Ron asked, while pointing to a jumping and hopping Lord Voldemort, who happened not to be knowing anything about the awful sticky situation.

"No," replied Harry. "We climb it. And the rocket will fly up. I think that panel over there..." He pointed to a blinking red square object stuck to the surface of the rocket. "...means its Auto-Launch status. When the rocket is in mid-air and the panel changes color, we will jump off. During that time, the rocket will probably be high enough for us to jump right at the base of the mountain."

"Uh-huh," Ron said sarcastically. "Have you forgotten about the SPLAT!!! effect?"

"Don't worry. I hope Hermione might have a charm for our drop to be a little slower."

"And less dangerous," Sirius added.

Dumbledore pointed his wand at the top of the rocket. A thin silver string shot out and tied itself round the rocket. One by one, they scaled the surface of the rocket (It took them a minute to bring Voldemort as well.)

"I hope your plan works, Harry," Lupin said to Harry. "Because it's too late for that now."

"5...4...3...2...1...LIFT OFF!"

The base of the rocket burst with flames as the large machine thrust itself up into the black sky. 

About 30 seconds later, the flaming mountain looked like a red ant. The rocket continued to go further into the clouds.

A minute after the launch, the panel turned into a green square.

"NOW!!" Dumbledore shouted. They all leapt out.

Hermione whipped out her wand and shot out a bluish purple energy. They suddenly felt like time was slowing down and their fall became slower. They watched as the flames stopped and the rocket tilted itself downwards and fell down, heading straight the launch-pad.

BOOM!!! The launch-pad burst into flames. At the same time, the fire spread (well...like wildfire.) onto the railroad and headed back to the Space Asylum. 

And another three towers gone with the wind.

They landed right at the base of the mountain. "We're still right at the impact area," Dumbledore realized. "We must get out of the way before..." He looked at his digital watch. "50 SECONDS!!!"

They looked around for something that could get them out fast.

Professor McGonagall got an idea. "Hold on." She took her wand out and the sand around her turned into motorcycles.

"Bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed. "But, Professor, when were you not so dull?"

"Well, it's simple. Everywhere you go, there will always be at least a grain of sand. Even if you place me in the Sahara Desert, I can still survive."

"I see," Professor Dumbledore. "Sirius can help us with the motorcycles, I presume?"

Sirius snickered, "It will be my pleasure."

"Everyone, all aboard."

Soon, they were all ready to get out of America. (Since no one could stand Voldemort being at the back of them, not forgetting the fact that he could not drive a motorcycle, Professor McGonagall was forced to transfigure a grain of sand into a flying cage.)

Sirius went to each motorcycle and cast a spell on them.

"It'll take a while. Now, let's get the hell outta here!"

They all started up the engines and started off. After a few seconds, the motorcycles began to fly!

"The same spell," Dumbledore explained. "He was a grand Muggle motorcycle collector. He wanted to cast the flying spell on his collection. But his mother caught him and 'de-gnomed' the motorcycles." He looked at his watch. "10 SECONDS! You better hope we're not in the impact area now, because the Space Asylum is about to meet its end...in 1..."

A/N: Hehehehehe. Another cliffhanger. Oh boy. Finally, the escape is over. Maybe I can now end this blasted signal for good. So long. Did I tell you about my new MISSILE LAUNCHER 3000? With its Auto-Destroy feature, it can blast down any aircraft that approaches at least 500 miles away from me. A measly distance. So, if any of your homes were destroyed, don't blame me. Blame my missile launcher (and the pilot of the aircraft for not having good instincts.) Merry (and advanced) Christmas. 

Harry: Cool. I will never know if I'm dead or not.

Ron: Let's give the author an e-mail!

Hermione: Hey! You were not supposed to know what's an e-mail!

Ron: I check the Internet manual, unlike SOMEONE I KNOW! 


	17. There and Back Again

A/N: Well, those damned cliffhanger protestors are gone, I think. Now, I can type in peace. NO MORE CLIFFHANGERS, yet, of course. Now, off to the Epilogue. 

I'm afraid to tell ya this, but this is OFFICIALLY the last chapter of the Marauders' Butt 2. But, do not worry, you have not seen the end yet! For, I have finished plotting my lastest masterpiece, The MARAUDERS' BUTT 3!!!! Yes, I'm creating it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. (Which reminds me, the second movie has made a good improvement.) Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to the Mistress J. K. Rowling (Finally, after two years of waiting, The Order of the Phoenix is FINALLY created!)

INSANITY DEGREE: Can't tell now. My Insanity Degree Meter malfunctioned after staying in POSITIVE INFINITY status for so long.

_**Epilogue**_

_**There and Back Again**_

_A few hours later..._

Harry woke up with the bright sunlight upon him. He looked up. A great big hole formed on the wooden roof.

He tried to remember what happened. The last thing he saw after Dumbledore said the word "One" was a bright light, probably the great explosion. 

Then, darkness.

_This place looks familiar, _he thought.

"You have been asleep for quite a time, Harry."

He looked around. Near him, was Dumbledore.

"Where are we?"

"Can't you remember?"

Suddenly, a thought hit Harry.

"The Burrow! But, how did we end up here?"

Dumbledore smiled and answered, "It seemed that the explosion was so great that the impact made a powerful shockwave that sent us flying across the Atlantic Ocean, back to England. Of course, it means, some parts of America flew here as well. I woke up just on time to see the Americans tow all of New York City from the coast of Ireland all the way back to U.S.A. eight hours ago."

"Where are the others?"

"Clearing themselves up."

"Not bad. We did recapture Voldemort back and not forgetting Obliviate the Muggles. Let's just call it Mission Accomplished." 

"NOT SO FAST!!!" 

Dumbledore and Harry turned around. Behind them, was an intact (but soot black) Inn D. Pink. 

"How did you survive?" Harry asked. 

"The shockwave also sent me across the Atlantic, y'know," Inn. D. Pink replied. "Now, I shall finish you all, on this very spot." They suddenly realised that he was carrying two laser guns, one on each hand. 

"Harry,' Dumbledore whispered. "If there is a better time for you to duck, it will be now." 

Inn pulled both triggers. 

"RUN!!!!" 

Soon, in half a minute, the _used-to-be _living room is in total chaos. As Harry and Dumbledore rushed around the room at top speed, Inn D. Pink pulled the triggers at a similar speed. 

"What is going on?" was the voice of Ron upstairs. He came down, just in time to see the last wall of the living room collapse. 

"Oh no! Mum is gonna kill me!" 

"Weasley!" Dumbledore shouted, as he dodged the lasers. "Where is the nearest bathroom?" 

"WHAT? You want to use it now?" 

"NO! JUST TELL US!!" 

"IT'S OVER THERE!" Ron said as he pointed towards the kitchen. "ON YOUR RIGHT!" 

Harry and Dumbledore ran towards the kitchen (At that time, Dumbledore received a good center parting as one of the lasers merely skimmed past his hair.) and turned a sharp 90º turn into the bathroom. They closed the door and locked it. 

Harry sighed. "Phew! That was close. AARRRGGHHH!!!!" 

It so happened that Inn D. Pink used the laser gun to slowly break the lock open. 

"NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?" 

Dumbledore suddenly remembered by a brain wave how to change grains of sand into objects spell. He looked at the toilet and tapped the wand on it. The water tank was still full. 

He set his plan into action. 

Finally, Inn D. Pink broke open the lock. That's when he tripped on one of the homemade Weasleys' 'Welcome To Our Humble Bathroom' mats, which under it were a few dozen freshly transfigured marbles. His head crashed onto the surface of the toilet and he was knocked out, I'm afraid to say. 

"Now, Harry, we are to lift his body and splash it into the toilet bowl," Dumbledore said. 

"What are you going to do?" 

"Just do as I say." 

In a minute's time, they had carried the body and positioned his body into the bowl. 

"OBLIVIATE!!!" The green light shot into Inn D. Pink's body. Dumbledore reached for the flushing chain. 

What that is about to happen is extremely graphic. 

The rest of the gang came in just on time to see one by one, his head, his arms, his torso, his legs, all got sucked by the current and disappeared into the pipe and the unknown world below. Hermione shuddered in fear at the sight of this. 

"Back to where he belonged," Dumbledore said as he whipped his wand back. "In the sewers." 

Suddenly, the toilet exploded and water and blood gushed out everywhere in the bathroom. A very de-formed corpse flew up and landed on the floor, releasing an indescribable odour. 

Dumbledore sighed. "I'm afraid, his huge body caused a blockage in the pipes, causing the strong current of the water to tear apart his body and the pipe itself. My Obliviate spell has gone to waste then." 

*************************************************************************************************************** 

"What an adventure," Harry said. "And it's not even school term has started." 

"Yes, indeed," Hermione replied. 

An owl then swooped in with a huge envelope and dropped it in front of Dumbledore. It then flew away. 

He opened it, revealing a long 10-meter parchment. "Let me read it," Dumbledore said, then read. 

_Dear Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School II of Witchcraft and Wizardry,_

_ As you might know, the O.W.L.s examination results have just arrived. And the list below (which has covered 99% of this parchment, I'm afraid to say.) are the candidates' names as well as their performance during the examinations._

_ Sincerely,_

_Cornelius Fudge,_

_Minister of Magic,_

_Ministry of Magic._

"I will read only the three of you first," said Dumbledore. 

_Granger, Hermione_

_ Charms: A_

_ Herbology: A_

_ Astronomy: A_

_ Defense Against the Dark Arts: A_

I don't think I need to write anymore. 

"No surprise there," whispered Ron to Harry. 

_Potter, Harry_

_ Charms: A_

_ Herbology: A_

_ Divination: A_

"I wonder how he can get an A grade for Divination. That subject is stupid." asked Hermione to herself. 

_ Defense Against the Dark Arts: A_

_ Potions: A_

"WOW!" remarked Harry. "I got A for Potions! How did I do that?" 

"May I answer your question?" Dumbledore replied. "A Confundus charm on the poor examiner." 

"How did you know?" 

"It'll take a miracle for you to get an A for Potions," Dumbledore answered with a smirk. "Well, there's nothing better for me to mention except your A- in History of Magic. On to our final victim." 

Ron gulped. 

"Ah! I see you have an A for Potions," remarked Dumbledore. "Harry, try not to make your Confudus curse too strong. Well, you got B for History of Magic, but there is nothing better for me to mention. 

After a while, Dumbledore began to think about something. 

"Which reminds me..." as Dumbledore looked at Voldemort. he was busy gulping down Sun Lotion during that time. 

"Voldemort, would you like to have a job as caretaker of Hogwarts II?" 

If they were a cartoon, their jaws could have dropped to the floor. 

"Are you crazy, Professor?" asked Hermione. "He's too much of a lunatic to be a caretaker!" 

"I'm afraid I have no choice. Argus Filch resigned, saying that next term will be just as insane as the last while Potter is still around." 

Voldemort smirked. "FILCHIE DEFEATED! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I WILL TAKE DA JOB!!!" 

Everyone smacked their heads. They knew whenever Voldemort is around, there's sure to be chaos waiting around the corner. 

_**THE END**_

A/N: *sobs I'm so sad. My masterpiece ended TOO FAST! But then, who cares? Be prepared for my ultimate arsenal, THE POWERFUL MADNESS OF MY MARAUDERS' BUTT 3!!!! MU@H@H@H@H@H@H@H@H@H@H@H@H@H@!!!!!!! 


End file.
